Marriage counseling is counseling that focuses on the relationship of a couple. Though personal growth and development will likely happen as a result of working on the relationship, it differs from individual counseling in that the primary goal is to work on the health of the marriage.
Christian marriage counseling, or couples therapy, is often done by a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT). An LMFT has specialized training in working with couples and families, but other licensed counselors also do this sort of counseling. Marriage counseling is often a stand-alone therapy, but couples may choose to attend individual counseling simultaneously as the two can be complementary.
Many people who start Christian marriage counseling in Plano do so because they feel their relationship needs the outside input of a trained and neutral party. They might have tried to address issues on their own but are feeling stuck. They might be trying to save a marriage that’s on the rocks, or they might even be trying to determine if separation is their only option.
Statistically speaking, couples often delay seeking help after the onset of an issue, which can make unraveling it and bringing a marriage back to health more difficult. All too often, marriage counseling is a last-ditch effort to salvage a relationship. However, most therapists recommend seeing a counselor when you start to notice smaller issues cropping up.
The Gottman Institute, a well-known relationship research program, frequently talks about the “four horsemen” of a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. These behaviors, if they are present, often indicate a deeper issue that needs to be handled and can be indicators that a marriage will deteriorate without some sort of intervention. Contempt is an especially strong indicator that the marriage could use help.
If you find that you’re consistently responding to your spouse with cutting remarks, sarcasm, or find difficulty having any positive interactions, marriage counseling could help you to sort through the accumulated emotions and baggage and rediscover your positive regard for your spouse.
Though the impetus to seek counseling is frequently relationship problems, not everyone who goes to marriage counseling is dealing with a difficult relationship. Some couples turn to Christian marriage counseling as preventative maintenance. They want to set themselves up for success with tools and good communication patterns.
Although premarital counseling is often part of preparing for marriage, marriage counseling in the beginning of a relationship can be equally helpful as you learn to live with one another and integrate your lives. Anticipating stressful seasons and putting extra support in place to help your marriage can be extremely wise. For example, a couple might decide to start counseling when they learn that they’re expecting their first child, knowing that the season of new parenthood may bring with it challenges that they need new strategies to overcome.
Another couple might seek counseling after a loss or traumatic event. While not directly related to marriage, trauma, and grief (such as difficult accidents, lengthy hospital stays, child in the NICU, losing parents…) will always impact a relationship. Learning how to work through things together, rather than allowing difficult life events to drive a wedge between you, can be incredibly helpful.
At Plano Christian Counseling, we believe marriage is sacred and that preserving marriage is always the goal in the absence of abuse or infidelity. We seek to restore relational goodness to marriages, to speak truth in love and to bear with one another (Ephesians 4).
When both parties are willing to put in the work, counseling can be the beginning of miraculous restoration and redemption. The beautiful thing about the hope of the gospel, is that no person or situation is beyond hope. Counseling will require couples to face their own sin and weakness, to walk forward in truth, to repent of their sin and ultimately, to grow in holiness.
Marriage can be the source of both great pain and great joy. Most couples will endure seasons of pain at some point, but when this pain is engaged in a healthy way it can be the catalyst for growth and ultimately lead to a stronger marriage. Your marriage counselor in Plano will know how to guide both partners to better communication patterns, while maintaining neutrality and a positive regard for everyone.
Some of the common issues addressed by Christian marriage counseling include:
- Frequent conflict
- Feelings of disconnection
- Differences in parenting approaches
- Stressful life changes
- Communication issues
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Addiction
- Financial conflict/stress
- Conflict around family of origin
- Infidelity (emotional or physical)
- Betrayal trauma (often related to pornography use or addiction)
Many of these issues can become so emotionally charged that they need a neutral party to create a space for conversation. A skilled marriage counselor is trained to help both spouses to hear what the other person is saying, voice their own complaints and look for ways forward.
It’s easy for a couple get stuck in the same cycles of conflict or poor communication. Having a counselor help to identify what’s going awry will give you the tools to continue the work. The containment offered by a counselor’s office can create a space to start to delve into issues that a couple may not otherwise feel able to broach on their own.
For most couples, once a week is a good starting point for session frequency. How quickly a couple “graduates” from counseling depends entirely on their ability to work through the issue that brought them there. Often the time that it takes to heal a relationship will be reflective of the time that the dysfunction has been continuing. It’s going to take longer for a couple who’s been repeating the same harmful patterns for thirty years to learn a new way forward than for a newlywed couple to address a couple years of relationship history.
There are some issues, such as addiction, for which marriage counseling is part of the solution, but which will probably require additional resources. For example, if an individual is struggling with alcoholism or pornography addiction, marriage counseling will help to deal with the impact on the couple’s relationship, but individual counseling and/or group accountability are appropriate and necessary to uncover and heal the factors that led to that person coping through addiction.
While marriage counseling is usually beneficial, if you believe you are in an abusive relationship, it may not be appropriate. In this scenario it is better to seek individual counseling first. If you feel you are in danger, please contact a domestic abuse hotline or the relevant authorities. Do not ignore signs of abuse.
Next steps
If you think that your relationship could benefit from Christian marriage counseling in Plano, the first step is getting your partner on board. Counseling works best when both parties are committed and ready for change. Finding a counselor that you both feel comfortable with is essential to a good experience.
We offer a risk-free initial session that allows you to get a feel for your counselor’s personality and whether you feel comfortable with them. While pastors and other older couples can be great resources for relational help, the anonymity and confidentiality of a professional counseling relationship provides a level of privacy that allows you and your spouse to communicate with more honesty.
At Plano Christian Counseling, we are for your marriage in a world that seems to attack marriage at every turn. Our philosophy of counseling is based on the hope that we have in Christ and the knowledge that, “he who has begun a good work in you will bring it to completion…” (Philippians 1:6 ESV). Give us a call today!
Sources:
Lisitsa, E. (2021, February 19). The Four horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, & stonewalling. The Gottman Institute. Retrieved March 19, 2022, from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/
Marriage counseling. Find a Marriage Counselor and Learn About. Retrieved March 19, 2022, from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/modes/marriage-counseling
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