How to Parent a Child with ADHD and RSD

Your child comes home from school, their shoulders slumped and eyes brimming with tears. You ask what’s wrong, and they mutter something about a classmate’s joke or a teacher’s passing comment. To you, it might seem small, something that most kids would brush off, but to them – their world is crashing along with their self-esteem. They may have ADHD and RSD.

Their pain is raw, mountainous, immediate, and consuming. You are left to figure out how to comfort them and prevent long-term damage. This is what parenting a child with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) can feel like. For a parent, it can create a helpless feeling, seeing your child crumble over things that wouldn’t rattle most people and not knowing how to protect them from a world that is sometimes too harsh.

Why do so many children have ADHD and RSD?

While it is possible to have RSD without ADHD, the two are most often linked. ADHD isn’t just about lack of focus or inattentiveness. Those are what most people talk about when they think of ADHD. It also affects emotional regulation. The part of the brain that helps to manage emotions, the prefrontal cortex, doesn’t always work efficiently in people with ADHD. This can lead to emotions that feel big and hard to control.

Signs of ADHD and RSD

RSD can show up in various ways. Here are some signs that your child may have RSD.

Extreme emotional pain

They might feel devastated by what other people see as only mild criticism or rejections.

Fear of rejection

Those with RDS may avoid situations where rejection is possible, like applying for jobs, asking someone out on a date, or sharing an idea.

People pleasing

They might go out of their way to avoid upsetting others, sometimes even at their own expense.

Quick recovery

While the initial pain may be intense, people with RSD often recover faster than expected once they feel reassured.

How to Parent Your RSD Child

Once you’re aware of RSD and its possible impact on your child, you can change your parenting techniques to help your child feel understood and loved. Here are a few parenting ideas.

Validate their feelings

When your child reacts strongly to perceived rejection, resist the urge to downplay their emotions. Instead, acknowledge and validate their feelings by saying, “I can see this really hurt you” or “It’s okay to feel upset.” Validation can help them feel understood rather than dismissed and can help prevent their emotions from escalating.

Be mindful of your words

Kids with RSD are highly sensitive to tone and phrasing, even when you don’t mean to criticize. Focus on framing feedback positively and constructively. Instead of saying “You forgot to clean your room again,” try saying, “Let’s make a plan together to help you remember to clean your room.”

Be mindful of your more subtle tells such as facial expressions and body language. You may not realize that you are displaying a disapproving look, but chances are that a child with RSD will notice.

Create community

Let those close to your child know about RSD and how it affects them. A simple, “Sometimes my child takes things more personally than other people, so if it seems that they are upset, just check with them” is sometimes all it takes to make people aware of the situation. This can help avoid misunderstandings and can encourage respectful handling of your child. It may mitigate incidences that make your child feel rejected.

Reassure them after emotional outbursts

When your child feels overwhelmed by rejection, they may lash out, withdraw, or even spiral into a world of self-criticism. Afterward, reassure them of your unconditional love. This consistency will help to build trust and let them know that you are a safe person for them to talk to.

Model emotional regulation

Kids with RSD need to see examples of healthy emotional regulation. When you feel frustrated, talk through the process with them. Tell them that you’re upset but that you’re going to take some deep breaths before responding. By labeling your own emotions and showing them how to manage them, you are modeling constructive emotional regulation. Avoid self-criticism to help your child learn better coping skills.

Getting Help for Yourself or Your Child in Plano, Texas

Your child doesn’t need you to have all the answers. They just need you. They need to feel loved in the moments when they can’t love themselves. They need to hear your steady voice when their emotions storm. Your love and support are your child’s greatest anchor for emotional stability, so try to model and advocate for them.

If you need more support or help in becoming your child’s best support person, consider talking with a therapist at Texas Christian Counseling in Plano, Texas about how to best fulfill this role. When the world feels too much for your child, your presence can be the calm in their chaos and the place they’ll always know they can come back to.

At Texas Christian Counseling in Plano, our office is ready to help you. We have qualified faith-based therapists in Plano, Texas who can walk you through the challenging and confusing journey it can be to parent a child with ADHD and RSD. They can support you or your child as you learn to cope with ADHD and RSD.