Summary
Divorce is a painful reality whose full implications can only be rightly understood once placed alongside a Biblical understanding of marriage. Biblical marriage is the lifelong union of a man and a woman that reflects, albeit imperfectly, God’s commitment to His people. The deeper resonance of human marriage with God’s love for His people is one reason why divorce is a last resort, and why even if exceptions exist in Scripture that make divorce permissible, divorce isn’t encouraged or mandated.
Table of Contents
- First Things: Understanding Biblical Marriage.
- Old Testament Perspective On Divorce.
- New Testament Perspective On Divorce.
- Conclusions.
- References.
- Frequently Asked Questions.
1. First Things: Understanding Biblical Marriage
Talking about divorce can be a little like navigating a field strewn with landmines. There are myriad perspectives out there on divorce, not to mention personal experiences with it. For some, they’ve gone through divorce themselves, while others have witnessed divorce with various degrees of separation from it – as children born of the relationship, or as siblings, friends and other loved ones of the couple getting divorced. In some cases, the divorce was drawn out and messy, while in others it was amicable. The marriage preceding the divorce may have had glimpses of goodness and light, or it may have been an excruciating ordeal from start to finish.
To speak into this broad range of experiences seems hazardous and foolhardy, but it is important to do so. As divorce is a reality that touches many lives, understanding what the Bible says on the matter is important for Christians and non-Christians alike. When applying what the Bible says, it’s important to do so with pastoral compassion and wisdom; that may include paying close attention to personal circumstances to lead people toward what God desires for them without sacrificing the Biblical principle at issue.
Placing what the Bible says about divorce into context requires first understanding what it says about marriage.
The pattern for marriage is laid out on the first few pages of the Bible. Marriage is a lifelong covenant relationship between a man and a woman, one that should end only due to death. The man and the woman are both created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27), meaning that they both possess dignity. They are similar to one another, and yet they are distinct individuals. Genesis continues, saying of Adam’s recognition that his wife was like and yet unlike him, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame” (Genesis 2:24-25, NIV).
The Bible consistently says that marriage is a lifelong commitment. In the New Testament, Jesus uses these same verses in Genesis to describe the relationship between a husband and wife this way: “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6, NIV). Jesus says this in the context of a world broken by sin, which indicates the high premium that He placed on marriage.
Interestingly, when the apostle Paul is reflecting on what this lifelong union between a husband and wife means, he quotes the same passage that Jesus did and says, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:32, NIV). Paul is saying that in some profound way, human marriage echoes or points to the way Jesus Christ is united to and loves His Church. In line with this thought, one theologian put it this way:
Marriage, created by God as a “one flesh” union, is meant to be a sign of God’s unbreakable covenant with us. This is an important symbol throughout the Scriptures: God is compared to a husband and God’s people to a wife. When, by the grace of God, we’re able to keep a marriage together, we get to be symbols—imperfect symbols, but still symbols—of God’s faithfulness to his people. Marriages are supposed to last because they are symbols of God’s lasting love for us – Dr Beth Felker Jones
The historical, wisdom, poetic books of the Bible have a consistent perspective on marriage. The Book of Proverbs, for example, extols sexual fidelity and the exclusive enjoyment of one’s spouse (Proverbs 5, for instance), while the Song of Songs is a lengthy paean celebrating romantic love between two lovers in an exclusive romantic relationship. All this paints a picture of marriage as this joyful, lifelong union that promotes the flourishing of those who choose to enter it, and that points to the deeper reality of God’s love for us.
Of course, the Bible is realistic about what it means to be married this side of Genesis 3 and the Fall of humanity. Marriage is messy because human beings are messy, and there are complex situations that make for painful and destructive marriages that undermine human flourishing and wholeness. You’ll find verses such as these in wisdom literature and in the historical accounts: “A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand” (Proverbs 27:15-16, NIV). These sayings are gems of wisdom being given to a son, but they apply equally to both men and women, as no one gender has the corner on the market of being quarrelsome. Reflecting on these verses, one author wrote
The Bible is such a tactless book, isn’t it? So coarse in places, so unkind and indelicate, so deeply unromantic. But surely marriage is also a tactless affair, full of awkwardness and indelicacy, as unromantic at times as a sinkful of dirty dishes. Whether one’s mate happens to be a quarrelsome creature or not, marriage still has an uncanny knack for creating a more or less ‘constant dripping’ in one’s life. It is not all smooth sailing in a cloudless sky! – Mike Mason, The Mystery Of Marriage
Regardless of these somewhat biting comments in the book of Proverbs, Mason rightly sees that Proverbs makes a good point – “there is nothing in the world worse than a bad marriage, and at the same time nothing better than a good one”.
2. Old Testament Perspective On Divorce
With that understanding of Biblical marriage on the table, that provides sufficient context to explore what the Old Testament says about divorce. The Old Testament speaks about divorce in several places, including Deuteronomy 24:1-4. Broadly speaking, divorce was permitted only under certain circumstances, and not simply because one didn’t like their spouse. To get divorced, one had to write a certificate of divorce, formalizing your separation and the dissolution of the marriage. If one divorced their spouse, and then that spouse got remarried, the original couple were not allowed to get married to one another again in the event that second marriage ended. This meant that divorce was supposed to be final, ending the relationship without room to return.
We glean from Malachi 2:16 that God has strong feelings about divorce – “‘I hate divorce’, says the Lord God of Israel”. From the preceding verses, God is reiterating that marriage is a covenant that ought not be broken. In many places in the Old Testament, God is depicted as a husband to a wayward Israel; even when she is unfaithful, God remains faithful to her. The book of Hosea is an extended metaphor that captures this idea, but it also features in the book of Ezekiel, among other places.
2.1 Circumstances under which one can get divorced
The primary Old Testament verses that speak about divorce are from Deuteronomy and Malachi. In Deuteronomy 22:19 and 22:29 we read that there are situations in which divorce is not permitted, and these include situations when a husband dislikes his wife and slanders her, or if a man violates a virgin and then marries her. In these two instances, divorce is prohibited and the reason for that is to prevent vulnerable people being placed at further risk by losing the protections included in marriage according to the law.
It’s only when we get to Deuteronomy 24:1-4 that we find a description of circumstances under which one can get divorced. A man may divorce a woman if she “becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her” (Deuteronomy 24:1, NIV). This differs from the earlier passage where the husband merely dislikes his wife without just cause. It’s not entirely clear what “something indecent” means, but part of the point of the law is to inculcate an understanding that divorce is solemn and final by intimating that remarriage is problematic because it will defile the land.
3. New Testament Perspective On Divorce
Broadly speaking, the New Testament emphasizes the sanctity of marriage and its lifelong nature. While divorce is permissible under certain conditions that will be detailed below, divorce is nowhere mandated or encouraged just because those conditions have been fulfilled. Rather, the impulse is toward working on the issues and leans toward the pursuit of reconciliation and forgiveness.
Divorce is not to be taken lightly and is a last resort. Part of the reason for this is rooted in Jesus’ comments about why God permitted divorce in the Old Testament in the first place. When asked why Moses commanded for a man to give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away, we read, “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning’” (Matthew 19:8, NIV). Jesus returns to God’s original intention for marriage at the beginning of creation, which is as a lifelong union. Divorce was a form of divine accommodation for hard human hearts, but it is far from the ideal.
The New Testament departs from the Old by placing the question of divorce in the hands of both men and women. Thus, Christian men and women are urged not to divorce their spouses, and if divorce occurs, they are to remain unmarried or be reconciled to their spouse (1 Corinthians 7: 10-11).
Mark 10:2-12 and Luke 16:18 say that divorce and remarriage is adultery, whether that’s marrying a divorced person, or you yourself getting divorced and then marrying another person. These passages, it should be noted, don’t contain the exceptions that are mentioned elsewhere in the New Testament under which divorce is permissible. This may lead to the conclusion that if one divorces for reasons other than those that are excepted in the Scriptures, the marriage hasn’t truly been dissolved and because of that any subsequent marriage is adultery.
3.1 Circumstances under which one can get divorced
There are two explicit exceptions given in the New Testament for when divorce is permissible. In Matthew 19:1-12, there’s an extended discussion about marriage and divorce between Jesus and the Pharisees. Jesus reiterates that God’s intent was for marriage to be permanent, and it was only because of hard human hearts that Moses permitted divorce. Jesus says, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:8-9, NIV). One exception for divorce is where there’s been sexual immorality.
The second exception is from 1 Corinthians 7 in which Paul says that a situation may arise in which an unbelieving spouse may choose to leave the marriage – “But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (1 Corinthians 7:15, NIV). It’s important to note that he said this earlier – “To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13, NIV).
In other words, if you’re a Christian and your spouse isn’t, that isn’t grounds for you to divorce them. If they want to stay with you, you should stay with them. However, if you are a Christian and your spouse isn’t one, and if they choose to leave you, let it be so. The Christian spouse isn’t to initiate the divorce, but they can accept one if it’s initiated by an unbelieving spouse.
3.2 Circumstances for divorce not directly addressed in the Bible
The Bible, both Old and New Testaments, represents wisdom that was given by God to people in specific circumstances and intended to lead them into greater faithfulness toward God. Not every specific circumstance we encounter in our lives is covered in the Bible, and that is why it’s important to understand the principles and wisdom that underlies what we do have in Scripture. For instance, the Bible does not mention cars or hacking people’s computers and stealing their identities. Those things did not exist in that context. However, there’s plenty in there about stealing other people’s property and being truthful about the representations you make about yourself. We can see the point that is being made in the Biblical context, and how it might apply to us here and now. Similarly, the Bible wasn’t written in our time, so it won’t explicitly address every conceivable situation 21st century married couples face, but from the principles it does lay down, we can get a firm grasp of how we are to live if we desire to please God with our lives and bring glory to Him.
The New Testament doesn’t address the specific instance of what should happen if one spouse is being abused by the other, and whether divorce is permissible in these circumstances. In a 2016 Christianity Today article on divorce, Rebecca Florence Miller quoted New Testament scholar Dr. Andreas Köstenberger, saying that Köstenberger is cautious and argues that while “the Bible displays a pervasive concern for justice and is concerned with protecting the vulnerable, it also teaches that believers can glorify God by bearing up under unjust suffering.” Köstenberger goes on to say, “This calls for wisdom and balance: Certainly we should do everything we can to protect victims of abuse while at the same time respecting the marriage bond and not dissolving it lightly.”
This nuanced approach places a high premium on the marriage covenant, but it also helps to take the needs of victims of domestic violence seriously, something that often gets overlooked in the rush to emphasize the lifelong nature of the marital union.
4. Conclusions
Marriage is meant to be a lifelong union that reflects, albeit imperfectly, God’s love and commitment to us. It is only under the most severe circumstances that the Bible allows divorce, and this highlights how serious divorce is. There is, as Rebecca Miller puts it, a tension at work here – on the one hand, marriage ought to be held in high regard as a lifelong commitment that has deep resonances to how God relates to us, and so it dishonors marriage to counsel divorce hastily. But on the other hand, one must avoid the legalism that pressures people to remain in marriages while ignoring the reality of unsafe and destructive marriages.
While there are circumstances in which the Bible permits divorce, it does not mandate, nor does it encourage ending a marriage. Getting a divorce is thus a measure of last resort, one that must be undertaken prayerfully in consultation with wise and trusted counsel that can help you in discerning how to proceed.
5. References
Scripture references:
Genesis 1:26-27
Genesis 2:24-25
Deuteronomy 22:19
Deuteronomy 22:29
Deuteronomy 24:1-4
Malachi 2:16
Mark 10:2-12
Luke 16:18
Matthew 19:1-12
1 Corinthians 7:10-16
Ephesians 5:31-32
Books and Articles:
Mike Mason, The Mystery Of Marriage: Meditations On The Miracle.
Rebecca Florence Miller, “When Does The Bible Allow Divorce? Scripture’s Guidance For Broken, Hurting Marriages” https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2016/april-web-only/when-does-bible-allow-divorce.html accessed 17 February 2023.
Beth Felker Jones, Faithful: A Theology of Sex
6. Frequently Asked Questions
A question may arise about whether God will bless a second marriage if the first was dissolved improperly. There are always consequences for our actions, whether that’s the heartbreak caused by divorce, the weakening of our own ability to follow through on commitments, or the impact it has on the children of divorce. Sometimes, the best one can do is confess their sin and repent before God. Repentance doesn’t always mean you can undo your actions – you or your ex might have remarried someone else already, for example – but perhaps you can try to apologize and make right with the people affected by the divorce.
God is both just and gracious. One Biblical story that highlights this is that of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11 and the following chapters. David took Bathsheba, Uriah’s wife, and slept with her. David then got Uriah killed to hide the fact that Bathsheba got pregnant while Uriah was away at war. After Uriah died, David took Bathsheba as another of his wives. This greatly displeased God, and David faced severe consequences for his sin, including the fact that their child died, and David’s family was filled with strife and discord thereafter. However, God was gracious, and it was through David and Bathsheba that Solomon, Jesus’ ancestor, was born. This doesn’t mean that God endorsed David and Bathsheba or the circumstances of their relationship, but even in the midst of our evil, God is powerful and gracious enough to bring good out of it (Genesis 50: 20).
What this means for divorce is that you may have made mistakes in your past, but that doesn’t mean that God can’t or won’t bless a second marriage. Indeed, He can; however, one can’t presume upon God’s grace as a license to sin and do what we please (Romans 6:1; 1 Peter 2:16; Galatians 5:13). Having the mindset that you can get divorced because God will bless a subsequent marriage is presumptuous.
God’s desire is for marriage to be permanent, but He desires for that permanence to be a joyful, life-giving permanence. As with other areas of our lives, what God desires for us and what we decide to do are often at odds. God desires to save all marriages, but He also honors our choices, even if those choices are destructive. If the people in the marriage want to work on it and pursue wholeness, God honors that and many marriages are saved that way. God can and will intervene by changing reluctant people’s hearts, and He saves marriages that way too. Not every marriage is saved because God has given us the dignity of making real choices with real consequences, and people often choose divorce over reconciliation.
It can be, in the same sense that every other evil in the world is part of God’s plan. God doesn’t desire evil for His creation, but we choose it. However, whatever evil we choose does not overturn God’s good plan for His good world. As Joseph said of his brothers who sold him into slavery, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Genesis 50:20, NIV). God’s goodness and power can take even our worst decision and bring good out of the situation.
Yes! God is gracious and forgives us. What Jesus did on the cross by carrying our sin and shame is big enough to cover any and all sins. We read this in the New Testament – “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9, NIV).
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Kate Motaung: AuthorKate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging...
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