Four Reasons Men’s Issues Go Untreated

The phrase “men’s issues” is often used as a blanket term in psychotherapy. However, the term wraps around significant health concerns for men, and treating them should be taken seriously.

Unfortunately, because so many men’s issues are interrelated to each other, it can be difficult for men to seek treatment. Here are four reasons men’s issues go untreated and how you can encourage the men in your life to seek help.

Men’s issues may start small

Many men don’t instantly when they need to seek treatment. Whether it’s difficulty controlling their anger in healthy ways or a tendency to become stressed when under pressure, men often assume this is normal and will get better.

They may think, “I just need to get out and play a round of golf, and I’ll feel better.” Likewise, a glass of alcohol every evening could slowly turn into two, but they rationalize it, reasoning that it is fine because they know they’re stressed at work and also feeling pressure to pitch in more at home.

However, because men’s issues tend to overlap, what seems like “the usual” stress load may be far greater – and all-encompassing – than a man realizes. For example, stress at work can come and go for anyone, man, or woman. However, when stress at work is added to a struggle with his role at work and home, it compounds the pressure a man may feel.

These men’s issues can easily escalate if he is also faced with aging parents, a teenager with mood struggles or poor academic results, looming college expenses, or a transition in his spouse’s role, whether she works inside or outside the home. Any one of these can cause stress, but men may carry the load in one area without recognizing the load they’re also carrying in other areas.

These stress loads can start to mount, and what started as something small and manageable becomes larger.

Men are encouraged to just “keep going”

Unfortunately, in our culture, it is still a norm to expect women to struggle with emotional issues or mental health needs whereas men need to be strong and stable. From an early age, many men are taught to believe they shouldn’t show emotion. Over time, the lack of showing emotion can also turn into a lack of feeling emotion.

Research suggests that one in ten men experience depression or anxiety, but fewer than 50% will seek treatment for it. Recognizing their own feelings is tough for men; asking for help can be even tougher.

Mid-life issues don’t always seem to be appropriate for therapy

Some of the issues a man goes through revolve around age. Typically, as men reach the middle stages of life, they encounter several natural changes, physically and mentally.

Mid-life career changes, such as layoffs, economic swings, and lack of promotion can be difficult to deal with. Some men assume it’s something only they are experiencing, so they suppress their feelings or lash out in anger – the one emotion that is typically more acceptable in modern culture.

However, many men undergo a mix of these financial and career-related lows, and talking about it with a licensed therapist can help a man understand that he is not alone.

The middle stages of life can also bring heightened awareness to physical changes that a man may not have been concerned about earlier in life. As we age, it gets more difficult to maintain a steady weight, and this can impact everything from how well a man sleeps to his sexual libido.

In turn, physical changes can contribute to low self-esteem in men who once were the epitome of bravado and confidence. Even men who have a strong relationship with God can be taken off guard when they start to question their appearance, their job, and their marriage. All areas of life might be impacted by mid-life physical changes.

Men’s issues may seem to pop up suddenly in middle age simply because a shift in employment, familial role, or social circle gives them the pause they need to consider how they feel about themselves.

Many men go through life doing what is expected, climbing a corporate ladder, settling in with their wives and children, all the while accepting a busy pace of life. This doesn’t allow much margin for introspection or reflection – unless it’s intentionally carved out.

Therefore, when they notice a friend from the last fifteen years in their golf foursome has divorced and married a younger spouse, it can create doubt in a man’s mind about his own marriage. If a child grows up and heads to college, it can be disorienting for men who built their lives and careers around being “a family man.”

He doesn’t acknowledge his expectations

If a man does not acknowledge his expectations, he may not recognize when they are not fulfilled, are unreasonable, or need to be transformed. Many men struggle to reconcile work and family life, but when a man doesn’t recognize that he expects himself to do both well 100% of the time, he probably isn’t self-aware.

Being self-aware is vital to recognizing when you expect something of yourself that you aren’t able to give – for any reason. For example, if your father was able to grow a business from the ground up, be there for all the baseball practices and games, and still volunteer weekly with his men’s group at church, you may have grown up with the expectation that this is what men do.

When you try to start a business and it struggles to grow, you may feel like you have failed, even when you haven’t. You just need to make room for new expectations. You could remind yourself that the business world has changed, as has entrepreneurship, and you need to give yourself time to learn, make mistakes, change, and grow as a business owner.

In the same scenario, a man may feel that he is less than a man if he misses a few games throughout the child’s sports season. This, coupled with financial strain and trying to start a new business, can cause you to wonder if you are enough.

What may help in this scenario is to talk with a friend. They may help you see your blind spot. Often expectations are unmet because they were not expectations any person could reach in today’s fast-paced culture.

Seeking counseling is another great first step when a man realizes his expectations cannot continue to hold him back. Add to that a spouse’s expectations or even a simple request at work that is deemed extra, and a man may start to question much more than his identity. It can lead to mental health issues such as depression.

Men may not recognize their symptoms of depression because they don’t appear dangerous or concerning. Unlike the stereotypical portrait of a depressed person who can’t get out of bed, a man can get up, go to work, come home, participate in household duties and family life, and still be depressed.

Perhaps he ignores his feelings but escapes to social media or gaming on his phone. Maybe he leaves his family every Saturday to play golf, and the Saturday golf game turns into a weeknight and a Sunday golf game too. Over time, these behaviors may be masking his real feelings.

Ways to get help

If someone in your life is struggling with men’s issues, which can be interrelated and difficult to pinpoint, here are some ideas for ways to help.

First, you can ask him how he feels about something that is causing him stress. Whether it’s a work issue or a marital or family life issue, he may not be accustomed to sharing his emotions. That’s okay. Just knowing that you care is a good first step.

Second, asking him to check in with a buddy regularly can do a world of good. Whether it’s a phone call once a week on their way home from work or a pickup basketball game on Sunday afternoons, meeting other men in social circles can help men process their stress through physical activity and friendship. While they may not sit around and talk about how they feel, they might share what’s causing stress in their lives.

Third, ask your husband, son, or dad if anything in his life is causing him to feel “too” anything  –  too tired, too restless, too overwhelmed, or too angry. Sometimes, men need help identifying feelings by first identifying how their physical bodies are responding.

Finally, if someone in your life admits to feeling hopeless, depressed, or just “off” from his norm, don’t hesitate to help him seek a counselor who is trained in men’s issues. It doesn’t have to be a permanent expectation, and just a few visits can help men learn to pay attention to their body, and their emotions, and understand how to cope in healthy ways.

We are here to help

If you or your loved one is ready for the help of a counselor, reach out to our offices today. We will set up an appointment with a qualified therapist who is best suited to meet your needs.