6 Tips for Better Communication in Relationships

A failure to use effective communication in relationships means a failure to connect with others. It’s one thing to be aware of these intimacy gaps in our relationships, but it’s not always easy knowing how to bridge them.

6 Tips for Better Communication

Here are six tips for better communication in relationships:

Check in by asking questions

When we have communication breakdowns, we begin to experience distance from our partner because we have stopped being intentional in connecting with them. Every relationship has a rhythm that incorporates work, family, friends, and pressures. These things have a habit of stealing our energy and focus. Before we realize it, we have been swept up in the rhythm of life like a current dragging us away from our significant other.

It might seem odd to share personal space with someone each day and still have to ask a question like, “How are you doing?” but that is one effective way of reconnecting with your partner. It’s a case of putting off obligations, making time to be alone together, giving each other your full attention, and checking in. When we feel valued and safe, the conversation should flow effortlessly.

Pay attention

People communicate with more than words. There is as much meaning in the things we don’t say as in the things we do. A partner who is struggling with something and responds with a simple, “I’m fine” when asked, might be communicating that they are too overwhelmed to express themselves fully.

That kind of guarded communication might come across as dismissive and it can be hurtful. We must ask ourselves what is behind their attitude, and pay attention to things like body language, mood, and eye contact.

Accept differences

The old saying that opposites attract is often accurate. On one hand, we are drawn to people who have the same values and beliefs as us, but often we have natural chemistry with people who have different personalities from our own. This can make for romantic passion, but it can also make for difficult communication.

Our tendency might be to try and fix their point of view or help them see the correct opinion (our own opinion, of course), but this kind of behavior is often manipulative and damaging.

Acknowledge your partner’s views

When we try to change or fix our partners, we are invalidating things about them that we don’t agree with or can’t understand. They might register our attempts to change them as communicating, “You are not good enough, but I can help you.” This is insulting and hurtful.

We must acknowledge our partner’s point of view if we are to give them space to be authentically themselves. You don’t have to agree with it, but at least you can show that you hear them and see them.

For example, they might have shared their opinion on an issue and, though we don’t agree with them, we could reflect on what we heard them say before we share our point of view. This also allows them to correct a potential misunderstanding we might have had.

Validate your partner’s feelings

Similar to acknowledging their views is validating their feelings. Statements like, “I get that you’re stressed about this,” or, “You have every right to be angry,” show that we have seen what they’re going through and understand their emotional state. When we pay attention to our partner’s moods and behavior, we can use a number of these techniques together. We observe their mood, ask a question about their well-being, reflect on what was said, and validate their feelings.

Express your feelings without being defensive

Communication in relationships is a two-way street; it involves both listening and expressing. There are several reasons why we struggle to express ourselves, and we should consider what they are and try to grow in that area. However, we can begin with simply expressing our needs, thoughts, and feelings and trusting our partner with them. In a loving, trustful relationship, there is more damage in not saying enough than there is in saying too much.

Communication is an area we can grow in, but it takes intentionality and practice. A relationship will thrive when we try to sincerely connect, however clumsy and awkward our approach or technique. When we feel self-conscious about our communication skills, that is yet another opportunity to check in with our partners and say, “How am I doing and what can I do to improve?”

Finding help to improve communication in relationships

If you are struggling to connect with your partner, it might help to speak with a neutral third party about it. Your partner might consent to a couple’s counseling session, where you can work on resolving conflicts and bridging gaps together. Contact us today if this is something you would like to pursue. We can schedule you with a couple’s therapist who will assist you on your journey to a thriving relationship.