It Takes a Village: The ABCs of Support for Single Parents

While it may take two to conceive a baby, it often takes a village to raise a child. This African proverb has long been quoted to advise and encourage parents and people around the value of being interdependent.

We all need community and viable support systems to do anything meaningful with God and for societal good. This quote’s inherent wisdom reminds us that our children, one of our prized and precious resources, are of such value that we steward them best when we do it together, with shared strengths and support.

Heaven’s Help

Having help, but also the willingness to receive the help that’s right for us can be transformative. Even in our relationship with God, His Strength becomes most apparent and elevated during our weaknesses. Our needs do not represent an inconvenience for Him, but rather opportunities for Him to Father us.

He builds us up not only in our direct relationship with His Holy Spirit but also through the community in which He’s created us to live. As single parents, our journey can get wearisome, but God will send the right people and reveal the right help in the places where we most need it.

Life happens to all of us, and sometimes the conditions by which we find ourselves raising children alone can be devastating. We often feel the weight of disillusionment and abandonment, believing that our parenting experience would have been different from our present reality.

Some become single parents by choice, and others, by circumstances such as death, divorce, or a partner’s departure. However we arrived, the fact remains that raising a family, whether with or without a co-parent is a tremendous undertaking. In our instinct to cover and protect the children in our care, our own needs often go unattended.

We may feel invisible at times, often denying ourselves the physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional support to navigate this parenting journey. Often, we downgrade our needs, citing them as inconsequential when compared to our kids.

Father God sees us and the comprehensive nature of our needs. Even as He tended to Hagar, the widow at Zarephath, and the widow who experienced the miracle of the oil jars, He will be Father and Friend (Genesis 16:6-13, 21:9-21; 1 Kings 17:9-24; 2 Kings 4:1-7). In faithfulness, we can anticipate the Lord meets us with His Presence and provision in the places where only He can.

But now, this is what the Lord says, He who is your Creator, Jacob, And He who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn you. – Isaiah 43:1-2 NASB

Assess what you have – acknowledge what you need

Time and experience will showcase strengths as well as tell on areas where growth is needed. While we may be thriving and celebrating our wins in some areas, there are likely others where we feel significantly challenged.

Single parenthood can feel like a lonely journey, especially if we lack support from a co-parent. Sometimes, we are physically exhausted and emotionally drained from shouldering the responsibility where parenting feels more like a burden than a blessing. We need to be willing to acknowledge our need for help and identify the areas we need it.

Scan your life. Pinpoint where you need help to clarify where others can best support you and your family. Take time to assess where you may already have available support and who can provide what. Be honest, and note where others in your relational circle may have complementary skills.

There is no shame in asking or even bartering meal preparation, transportation, or childcare to complement each other’s needs and resources in ways that will bless all involved.

And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. – 2 Corinthians 9:8, 12 NIV

Be willing to barter

Often, we do not have what we need and desire because we are sometimes too fearful or prideful to ask. We need to shed the shame that prevents us from being vocal about the needs we can see in others and disclose what is unmet in our lives.

It takes humility to embrace authenticity, permit vulnerability, and courage to speak transparently. When we do, however, God positions us to receive blessings from places we didn’t expect. We, however, need to be willing to receive.

Help is a form of God’s care. It is through the Body of Christ, that each of us is supplied with what comes through fellowship. In bartering, or trading resources and support, we are blessed to give and receive what we cannot give ourselves.

Our connection, even in the practical elements of exchange, facilitates ministry. In serving one another, we learn humility. Not only do we aim our gifts to meet needs that we are equipped to answer, but we also open ourselves to receive God’s goodness through the hands and hearts of others.

From whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love. – Ephesians 4:16 NASB

Cultivate community – create margin

You and the people in your life need the best version of you that isn’t perpetually stressed, tired, or irritated. Allow your community to rise and relieve you, whether occasionally or through a rhythm of shared tasks. Be willing to create space, delegating or sharing responsibility.

Ask for God’s wisdom; then, reconfigure your schedule and current approaches to adapt to what the Holy Spirit is revealing. Even the strategies that seem odd and unlikely are often pointing to a known truth that we often misplace as God’s ways and thoughts are not like ours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

You are a single parent, not a superhuman. The Father not only cares for your family, but He also wants to answer your personal needs with supernatural provision. You are a parent, but also a person who needs support in areas beyond your maternal or paternal role and responsibilities.

Trust that, in your experience as a single parent, the Holy Spirit will bring the right people, ordering your steps to intersect with theirs. He knows how to orchestrate connection, by not only answering practical needs but also facilitating fellowship through friendship and support.

Next Steps

Wherever you are in your parenting experience, be encouraged that “single” does not translate to being alone. God is not shocked or alarmed by the conditions at this juncture in your personal and parenting journey.

You may not necessarily have all the parts and possessions that you believe would make parenting easier, or even a consistent co-parent for support. However, you do have a Father who loves you and has promised to remain with you forever. God has made provision to arise and bless you in your present circumstances.

Remember that God’s thoughts toward you are abundant, and He is committed to caring for you and the children in your care. Reflect on what you’ve read. Research a counselor on this site, and reach out to schedule an appointment.

God’s concern for you is such that He is willing to ensure that you have the ABCs or basics and blessings of support as a single parent. Though going forward, He wants to equip you with a thriving village to elevate and strengthen you as you raise your family.