After the Divorce: Finding Yourself After a Toxic Marriage

A toxic marriage is emotionally and, often, physically draining. The period after the divorce is a time for finding yourself, grieving the lost relationship dream, and healing from the loss and trauma.

Tips to Rediscovering Yourself after a Toxic Marriage

It is important to your mental health to take it slowly after a toxic marriage. Don’t jump into another relationship right away. Give yourself time to heal, seeking professional help if needed. Depending on your circumstances, you may need to seek a new place to live, find work, go back to school, and rebuild your self-esteem.

The following is a list of tips for rediscovering yourself after a toxic marriage.

Grieve for the relationship dream

We don’t plan for a marriage to end during our wedding. We come into it full of dreams and promises. Toxic behaviors can interfere with and ruin those visions of the future. We may feel that we are starting over, sometimes with nothing but the clothes on our backs.

Allow yourself to move through the grieving process. Grief has five stages: denial/shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You may cycle through these stages repeatedly until you reach acceptance. Ask for help from a counselor if you are having trouble processing your emotions.

Set new boundaries

Now is the time to establish new boundaries. You may not have had clear boundaries or may not have known how to enforce them in the past. Decide what you will tolerate and what you will not. Learn to say no to everything that disturbs your peace or is not what you feel God has for you. You do not need to be accessible to everyone all day, every day.

Let the people you love know your boundaries. This might mean turning off your phone at 8 p.m. or refusing to drop everything for people without proper notice.

Slow down

Leaving a toxic marriage can feel like a whirlwind. Take the time to slow down, pause, and reflect. Look at your schedule and delete or delegate tasks while you care for yourself. Now is not the time to take on more responsibilities. Making impulsive decisions may harm you in the long term, so refuse to multitask while you heal.

Be intentional about your days. Try choosing a word to describe how you want to encapsulate your day. Today it might be productive, healthy, or peaceful. As you go about your day, keep your word in mind and make decisions based on that feeling. This exercise can help you to slow down during the healing process.

Lean on friends and family

Often, toxic marriages only continue because of isolation. The abuser in the marriage may create distance between their spouse and the spouse’s family and friends. Reconnect with close friends and family and lean on them for support. Set up coffee dates, invite someone for a movie, or attend an event. Play games and laugh together. These social interactions will do wonders for your mental health.

Christian Counseling in Plano, Texas

Healing from a toxic marriage is challenging. Seek professional support to help you through the grieving process as you heal from abuse or trauma. Years of relationship toxicity can take its toll on your mental and physical health. Reach out to our office today at Plano Christian Counseling to schedule a session with a Christian counselor in Plano, Texas. We would love to help you rediscover your God-given talents, heal from a toxic marriage, and learn new coping skills.