How to Deal with Anticipatory Grief

You called hospice. You have tried to put it off as long as you could, but your loved one’s health is declining quickly. You are filled with an enormous amount of emotions. Sadness, guilt, anger, overwhelming grief, and a sense of significant loss can leave you feeling lost and helpless. This is called anticipatory grief.

These emotions are a normal part of anticipatory grief. We don’t want our loved one to suffer, yet we walk the fine line of grief (feeling our loss) and relief (knowing our loved one will no longer be in pain), and this can lead to guilt.

Tips for Dealing with Anticipatory Grief

Anticipatory grief can wear you down. You feel a host of emotions. Watching someone pass away and knowing that you will be left behind to mourn them and care for their remains and belongings is overwhelming. Even if you can rest in the assurance that you will see them again through your and their belief in Jesus Christ, mourning still occurs.

Learning how to manage anticipatory grief will help you to stay present with your loved one and at peace throughout this time.

It is okay to feel the stages of grief early

Acknowledging your feelings will help you to process them. It is normal to feel the stages of grief when you know someone is passing away. The stages of grief include shock/denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

You may pass through these stages now and also after your loved one passes away. It is normal to feel anger toward yourself and your loved one, followed by feelings of guilt or shame for feeling that way. Learn to sit with those uncomfortable emotions.

Find a healthy outlet

Creative and physical outlets allow you to express your emotions instead of keeping them bottled up inside. Chronic stress from anticipatory grief and caregiving can take its toll on your mental and physical health. Journaling is an effective outlet for describing your thoughts and feelings. Exercise helps to lower stress and increase feel-good brain chemicals such as serotonin. Even talking to a friend or family member can help you feel more balanced emotionally.

Take care of yourself

Although much of your energy is focused on your loved one, you must take care of your own health. Letting yourself go will only make you feel worse and could lead to serious physical conditions, such as a compromised immune system, high blood pressure, and weight gain.

Prioritize sleep and aim for healthy meals and snacks 80% of the time. If possible, make arrangements for you to slip away for an afternoon or evening once or twice a week, although a few days would be ideal. Some hospice programs offer respite care that will allow a nurse to care for your loved one for up to five days, so that you can rest.

Give yourself grace

As time goes on, you will forget things, lose sleep, and be impatient. You will make mistakes and say or do the wrong thing in your grief. Instead of looking back and chastising yourself, give yourself grace. You are going through an extended period of grief. Nothing will seem ideal. Learn to forgive yourself and focus on what you can do in the moment.

Spend time with your loved one

When you know someone is approaching transitioning from this life to the next, make quality time your priority. Spend time with your loved one. If they feel up to it, watch movies or read a book aloud together. Play their favorite music and talk about memories you both cherish. Invite others to visit if your loved one feels strong enough and create lasting memories.

Talk to a counselor

A grief counselor can walk with you during this journey. They are experienced in the grieving process, anticipatory grief, and psychotherapy methods that could benefit you immediately. From calming your nerves and lowering your stress levels to managing anxiety and depression symptoms, a counselor could be the support you need.

Find a grief support group

A grief support group offers encouragement and support before and after loss. Participants have experienced grief from losing a spouse, child, parent, or other loved one, or are in the process of losing someone. They lean into one another for support and can provide advice to others. You may be surprised to learn that you can contribute to the group with your experience.

Grief Counseling

You can seek help for anticipatory grief through Christian counselors who know what it is like to walk that narrow path, loving someone terminal, and watching them transition to the Heavenly Father. Contact our office today to schedule a session. Let us help you during this season when you and your family need encouragement and support the most.