9 Different Ways People Feel Abandoned

Abandonment looks different from person to person. People frequently second-guess themselves. They might question if their perception of events. Likewise, they may feel as if they are overly sensitive when others who experienced the same event were not affected in the same way. Sometimes it is the events that seem to be so ordinary and commonplace that cause people to feel the deepest stabs of abandonment.

Everyday Abandonment

People often imagine that violent or extreme events cause trauma. However, people frequently experience abandonment trauma from subtle things they experience in relationships. These things can seem so slight, or even hard to identify, that we often overlook them, or even make excuses for them. This leads to us feeling as though we shouldn’t feel a sense of abandonment, or that we are being overly sensitive.

For example, you may have a friend who cancels plans at the last minute. They gain reputations for being unreliable, and other friends might joke about their inability to commit to anything. They might have a deep reason for being this way, and because their behavior is predictable and joked about, we might make excuses for them or dismiss our frustrations with them.

However, if we are honest with ourselves, we might find that we feel more than frustration with them. Their constant cancellation of plans makes us feel less important to them, and we feel like we can’t rely on them anymore.

Sometimes it is the common, everyday behavior that friends, family, and loved ones do that makes us feel abandoned. These are difficult things to confront because we can feel self-conscious that we are overreacting to the situation.

It is only as we begin to confront our feelings honestly, and share these feelings with the relevant people, that we can find healing from abandonment trauma. To do that, though, we might need to stop invalidating our feelings of abandonment and examine the instances that made us feel all alone.

Nine Different Ways People Feel Abandoned

Being In A Relationship With Someone Who Is Emotionally Checked Out

People often find themselves in relationships that have changed from being loving and supportive to being cold and distant. Even open hostility might feel better because at least that would clarify the other person’s feelings.

When we find ourselves sharing space with someone that is physically present but emotionally absent, it can cause us to question everything, from what we did to disappoint them to where we stand with them. This is a feeling of abandonment.

Feeling Like Your Presence Is Not Being Valued

Being taken for granted is one of the worst feelings in the world. Everyone from parents to spouses, and even best friends feels like this from time to time. It hurts. When this becomes the default in a relationship, that hurt we feel is abandonment trauma. There is something else that is taking your loved one’s attention. We feel as if we are no longer special enough for them to value us.

Having Your Ideas And Preferences Ignored

Everyone needs to feel as if they matter. A good way of affirming them is to hear them out and cater to their needs. People in the hospitality industry and people-focused services use this as the cornerstone of their training. However, in relationships, families, and workspaces, we often feel as if our preferences and ideas don’t matter.

These deeply hurtful experiences can be hard to identify because people don’t always mean to be dismissive. Sometimes it is simply a pattern that forms over time, one that has no true malice or hurtful intentions behind it. Knowing that does not make it hurt any less, though.

Suddenly Not Knowing Where You Stand With Someone

Many people tend to blow hot and cold with their attention and affection. This makes for a tense and uncertain atmosphere in a relationship. Over time this can lead to a serious sense of abandonment. Everyone from bosses to best friends, to parents, do this. Regardless of a person’s age, it hurts to suddenly feel worthless.

As with most of the things that lead to abandonment trauma, there is often a reason someone seems to tag in and out of a relationship. Regardless of what a person says, it is their actions that speak louder. When we don’t have an explanation for why someone is suddenly distant from us, we tend to fill in the gaps and usually do so with explanations that hurt us.

Constantly Feeling Like You Are Someone’s Second Choice

Having a parent who seems to favor a sibling, a friend who begins spending more time with someone else, or a loved one who chooses something or someone else over their relationship can lead to abandonment trauma.

People who do this often become defensive or dismissive when confronted, and this adds a layer of hurt to the feeling of abandonment. We might begin questioning our perception of events, or feel foolish, possessive, or demanding for wanting to be placed first even for a while. In the context of any relationship, it is not uncommon to want to have first place or simply to know where you stand with someone.

Having A Loved One Who Never Returns Your Affection

You might wonder why anyone would remain in a relationship where their love and affection are not reciprocated, but it is more common than you would think. An elderly parent battling dementia, a loved one dealing with substance abuse, or a partner who is grieving are just some of the times we feel abandoned due to our love not being returned. Being able to understand the reason for the non-reciprocal love won’t save us from feeling abandoned.

The Feeling That You Have No One To Lean On

One of the most dreadful feelings is when you realize that, despite having friends and family, you are on your own. This is a bleak reality for so many people, and it hurts deeply, regardless of the reason for it. The world can feel like a hostile and overwhelming place at the best of times. However, without a family or support network, life can feel like a series of life-threatening obstacles we somehow have to get past.

Having Your Experiences Invalidated

Any survivor of abuse or assault will tell you that it is one of the most soul-crushing experiences to have that experience dismissed or invalidated. We experience this in other ways too, though. There is a cumulative effect to sharing our experiences with people who should care, but don’t show any interest. It ultimately leads to us feeling devalued and abandoned.

Having A Loved One Constantly Break Their Promises

Almost every person will break their word at some point in their lives, whether they mean to or not. Sometimes there are things in life that prevent us from following through, and this can cause complications even when we don’t mean to let others down. However, when someone repeatedly breaks their promises, it erodes trust entirely and ultimately leads to abandonment trauma.

Trust is hard to build and can be difficult to maintain. If you had a parent who consistently disappointed you with broken promises, you have a foundation of abandonment and distrust of others. Building relationships and friendships on this can be an incredibly difficult thing to do, and you may constantly expect to be let down.

You are not alone, despite how things might feel. When you have abandonment trauma opening up to anyone can feel like a risk. Meeting with a counselor, however, is one of those risks that are worth taking. If you would like to find a counselor to help you, please contact us today. You can find support when we match you with a professional, dedicated counselor from our practice.