Understanding the Different Communication Styles

Just like our personality or how we view the world, each of us has any one of a number of different communication styles. This is the way we try to convey our ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings and how those are received or perceived. How we communicate is as important as what it is we are trying to communicate. As we talk and interact in the world, we must ensure that our intentions are not misinterpreted and that we do not hurt others unintentionally.

Some of the communication styles people adopt tend to have negative effects. This is why it is important to understand the different types to see if one needs to make changes in how they communicate with others or how to handle those people whose communication style is not like theirs.

5 different communication styles

There are five different communication styles, namely aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and assertive. We will discuss each one in this article.

Passive communicators

Passive communicators come off as easy-going, happy-go-lucky types of people. They prefer not to let their feelings or thoughts be known. It is difficult to know what their stance on important issues is as they can act indifferent to what is being discussed, take a more submissive role, and go with whatever they are told, even if they disagree vehemently.

These types of people find it difficult to say no, especially if they find themselves in subordinate roles. They almost seem unsure of themselves, and they avoid conflict by conforming. In terms of body language, they are usually fidgety and avoid direct eye contact. They speak with a soft, almost inaudible voice as if they are not sure what they are about to say.

How to work with a passive communicator

One-on-one communication

They usually feel more comfortable talking when it’s on a one-on-one basis. Seek them out and give them room to express their views without judgment.

Open-ended questions

When talking to them, ask open-ended questions; questions that allow them to dig deep into their thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Ask for their opinion on important matters.

Resolve conflict

As much as they might hate conflict, when you have a conflict situation with them, resolve it healthily, without being angry or confrontational.

Prioritize their needs

They usually prioritize the needs of others, by prioritizing their needs, you are teaching them that their needs matter too.

Aggressive communicators

These are the types of communicators that want to win at all costs! It does not matter what the topic of conversation is, they feel their opinions are more important than those of others and they will express them forcefully regardless of the feelings and thoughts of others. Their tone is usually aggressive, threatening, and often belittling.

While talking, aggressive communicators will invade personal space, maintain intense eye contact, and be overbearing in an attempt to dominate. They usually speak louder and threaten the environment.

How to work with an aggressive communicator

Hold your ground

Aggressive communicators are usually bullies. Do not be intimidated by them. Keep the conversation professional and keep calm by not rising to their tempo.

Be assertive

Communicate back in a confident and unthreatened manner. Get down to business and deal with the facts of the conversation by ignoring their animated expressions.

Keep your boundaries

If they invade personal space, ask them to move. Keeping your boundaries also means knowing when to walk away and not stand for the abuse, because sometimes their communication style can be abusive.

Passive-aggressive communicators

As the name suggests, this is a combination of passive and aggressive communication operating in one person. Their passiveness is on the surface, while their actions and intentions are operating from a place of anger, aggression, and resentment. These are people who will appear agreeable, easy, and sweet, and yet their actions do not align with their words.

Passive-aggressive communicators have a way of indirectly expressing their resentment, anger, or hostility. They will use sarcasm, silent treatment, or muttering. Because they do not communicate their feelings, they hold onto negative emotions that will come out through their actions.

In the workplace, they are usually those colleagues who are super nice in front of others but are responsible for most of the gossip and rumors. This communication style is especially toxic.

How to work with a passive-aggressive communicator

Don’t engage

When they come to start gossiping or spreading rumors do not engage or encourage them as that will only create a hostile environment.

Be clear

When giving them instruction, be clear and ask for feedback so there is no room for misinterpretation, they usually use this as an excuse for not doing what you asked or doing something entirely different.

Confront negative behavior

What is not addressed will be perpetuated. If they exhibit passive-aggressive behavior, call it out in real-time so that they are aware of what they are doing and that it will not be tolerated.

Manipulative communicators

Manipulative communicators will always look out for number one. They are constantly looking for ways to manipulate conversations and situations into what they want. They do not care about the needs of others, only achieving their goal. They will use all sorts of tactics, be it flattery, outright lying, or playing the victim, just so they get their way. After a while, their communication style comes off as patronizing and insincere.

How to work with a manipulative communicator

Boundaries

Creating and maintaining boundaries from manipulative communicators will go a long way in limiting interactions. Keep it strictly business and do not stand for patronizing behavior directed toward you.

Stick to facts

They use a lot of emotional language to sway people, so as not to get swayed, and keep to the facts of a conversation.

Stay calm

As with emotional discussions, sometimes it can be hard to stay calm. Do so as much as possible so that you are level-headed enough to listen and respond appropriately.

Assertive communicators

Assertive communicators are the most sought-after. They can communicate from a place of confidence and consideration. They have healthy self-esteem and do not consider themselves or their ideas more important than those of others.

Assertive communicators will endeavor to create a safe and healthy environment where all voices can be heard. In any setting, assertive communicators speak with a clear voice and maintain friendly eye contact that makes everyone feel welcome.

Regardless of who they are in conversation with, they are not intimidated or feel they need to shrink. They maintain their good posture and make their arguments in a respectful, non-threatening manner. These are the people who end up in top leadership jobs as they know and value collaboration.

How to work with an assertive communicator

Be respectful

As they operate from a place of respecting other people, it would be prudent to respect them in return when having interactions. This way, there is better room for mutual respect and collaboration.

Ask for their opinion

They are not shy about shedding light on any issue. If asked, they will respond in an honest and thought-out manner.

Create a safe environment

If it is a workplace, fostering a safe, accepting, and healthy environment will make assertive communicators thrive as they feel seen and heard.

Support for improving communication

How we communicate is essential to our daily living and functioning. Most of the viability of our relationships and connections rests on our ability to communicate effectively. If you have read this article and would like to know more about the different communication styles, please reach out to our office. We can connect you to trained counselors and therapists who will give you more information and give assistance where you might need some.