5 Good Boundaries to Draw With People Who Have Caused Trauma

One of the most critical aspects of our emotional freedom is to forgive those who have hurt us. This is especially true for people who have suffered trauma or abuse. A person with a traumatic past may need the help of forgiveness to move past it and thrive in their lives. However, just because a person has forgiven someone does not mean they need to give them access to their lives.

Good Boundaries to Draw With Causers of Trauma

Boundaries help people limit access to interaction with them and what they can know about them. A person who wants to protect themselves from suffering trauma again needs to draw proper boundaries with that person. Here are five good boundaries to draw with people who have caused trauma:

Time Boundaries

Limit the amount of time you spend with a person. If you see that person regularly, limiting the time you spend talking with that person is essential. A person who has subjected you to trauma and is not repentant may quickly come back to that topic and cause you pain and harm by denying the behavior even existed.

This can re-trigger the pain you are trying to get past. Furthermore, a person who has subjected you to trauma wants to know more about you. By spending more time with you, they can learn more details about your life. Draw a reasonable time boundary and limit their time with you or your loved ones.

Space Boundaries

Similarly, limit or restrict their ability to get close to you. A person who is close to you in proximity can try to hug you or, even worse, abuse you. To protect yourself, you need to draw a space boundary. Give yourself some physical distance between yourself and the person who has caused you trauma. This may mean telling them they must stay far from you.

Contact the authorities so that the person cannot come physically near you anytime. This will help ensure your security and support your mental and emotional health. You may also need to contact family or friends to get you in case of an altercation with them out in public. Surround yourself with people who will support you during this time and ensure you always stay safe, no matter the cost.

In desperate cases, you may need to move or change your address or other modes of communication so that a person does not contact you again. Do what you can to protect yourself and avoid that person if you need to regain your freedom.

Emotional Boundaries

Even with the time and space constraint, a person may feel their emotional health may be at risk if they continue to have anything to do with the person who caused them trauma. The best way to create distance between you and your offender is to make sure they cannot hurt you emotionally. Cut them off from speaking to you or allowing them to communicate with you. This means places like social media, e-mail, phone, text, etc.

This emotional boundary will be critical for you to heal. It is difficult to heal and move on from any situation when you are constantly in contact with the person who has caused you trauma. This will retrigger the trauma repeatedly. Create an emotional boundary by not allowing them to communicate with you either directly or indirectly to cause you pain or harm.

Physical Boundaries

In the same way, it is essential to draw a space boundary and create distance between yourself and someone who’s caused you trauma. You may also need to create a physical boundary. If the person who caused you trauma does not pose a physical threat to you, you can merely express verbally that you need some physical distance between yourself and them. You may be able to tell them that you want them outside of a specific foot distance from you.

However, someone who has caused you trauma is, more than likely, not someone who will obey it. They will cross your boundaries or ignore your stipulations. If this is the case and you have evidence to prove it, go to a law enforcement agent and institute some order that will force them to stay that physical distance from you or fear the risk of being placed in jail.

Physical boundaries pose additional safety to you as a person who has caused you trauma may have been near you to do it. Establish a physical boundary that will help you gain control of your world and feel like you’re in control of the situation. To add a safety level, taking a self-defense class or knowing some self-defense moves in case you ever get into an altercation with this person again may be helpful.

Even if the person ignores your need for space, this person may approach you in public and even when you’re alone. If this is the case, you may need some self-defense measures that you can take to free yourself from that person and run away so you can call the police.

Spiritual Boundaries

Not only has a person who has caused you trauma damaged your emotional and mental health, but they may also put you at a distance from God. Your relationship with God may be marred because of the trauma you have experienced. Therefore, you must place a spiritual boundary between you and that person.

This might be an excellent resource in your recovery because you’ll be able to spend uninterrupted time with the Lord, reclaiming your authority as His child and reminding yourself of your authority in Him. Study Scripture to reinforce this.

You may need to read the Word differently to reclaim your renewed relationship with God. Take the time to read the gospels and the letters to the churches. The books of Ephesians and Philippians both explicitly explain God’s promises to His people. He tells them in no uncertain terms how much He loves them and how important they are to Him.

It’s also important to talk to Him so that He can help you move forward in your process of forgiveness. Even if the person is not sorry or unrepentant, you need to forgive that person to have the freedom you need to move on. However, God can only give us the power to forgive someone and move on. Often, when we say we forgive someone, in our minds, we believe we’ve done it, but the feelings tell us otherwise.

When we see this person, we may seethe with anger or be retriggered by the hurt that person caused us. However, when you truly forgive someone, those issues fade away. You no longer carry them around like a heavy suitcase. You put the past behind you and move forward in freedom.

People who cause this trauma do more damage than they intended. Not only do they cause this trauma to your body, but they also prohibit your ability to walk away in freedom. However, God’s power helps you forgive the people who need forgiveness, even if they don’t deserve it, or believe they need it.

Boundaries are good with any person you feel is toxic to your well-being. Boundaries help restore peace to an anxious soul. But this is especially true for someone who has caused you trauma. You may seek limited access to a repentant person. A person who is unrepentant about their trauma is someone you may want to restrict access or block access altogether significantly.

Examine where you are in your forgiveness process. Please do what you can to forgive them, but don’t allow them access to your life. Protect your mental and emotional health by putting good boundaries in place. Contact us today to get the advice and help of a professional Christian therapist at our location.