Trauma Archives | Plano Christian Counseling

Ways to Deal with Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Ways to Deal with Emotional Abuse in a Relationship

Sarah Harris, Kate Motaung2025-06-03T06:38:24+00:00June 3rd, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

If you take a walk in a park, soak in your surroundings in a coffee shop, or look around you as you sit in the vibrant heart of your city, you may have the privilege of witnessing the magic of great relationships. It’s amazing when you see two people whose eyes are alive with joy in each other, oozing genuine affection for each other as they share stories or sit in an easy silence with each other. When a relationship is thriving, it can lift you to amazing heights, helping you to flourish. On the other hand, an unhealthy relationship can cast a pall over a person’s life. You can see a radiant person slowly begin to dull because of a toxic relationship. A healthy relationship can be a great joy, but an unhealthy one can make it feel as though the world itself is crumbling beneath your feet. One way for a relationship to be unhealthy is when it is emotionally abusive. What makes a relationship emotionally abusive? There are different ways to hurt a person. People are creatures made in the image of the eternal and majestic God, and He loves them deeply (Genesis 1:26-28; John 3:16). For many reasons, people deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and compassion. When they are treated in ways that cause them harm and detract from the fullness and flourishing God intends for His creation, that treatment is abusive. In a relationship, emotional abuse consists of a pattern of behavior where one partner relates to the other in ways that diminish their well-being and sense of self. This often occurs through attempts to diminish, control, manipulate, and dominate the other, often through non-physical means. Emotional abuse leverages words, attitudes, and tone to damage another person. Ultimately, what makes a relationship [...]

Comments Off

What is EMDR Therapy?

What is EMDR Therapy?

Ashlynn Barnette, Kate Motaung2025-05-27T06:56:37+00:00May 27th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Trauma affects people differently. Some people are affected in such a way that they need extensive treatment for their mental health issues. Traumatic situations can create memories that cause people to have a variety of mental issues, such as PTSD. One type of therapy that is becoming more widely used is eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy, or EMDR. If you’re wondering, “What is EMDR therapy?” this article is for you. This method of therapy for trauma revolves around eye movements as you process memories of traumatic experiences. The main goal of this treatment is to help you heal from those experiences and move toward better mental health. The most helpful aspect of EMDR is that it is based on the body rather than just talking about the problem. This can be helpful for those who are affected by PTSD, panic disorders, depression, and anxiety. How does EMDR help with PTSD? To understand how EMDR can help PTSD, you need to understand what PTSD is and how it affects people. PTSD is one of the most common mental health issues related to trauma. There are thousands of people who deal with post-traumatic stress disorder each day. PTSD was at one time associated with combat veterans but has been expanded to include those who have experienced a serious event such as rape, terrorist act, sex trafficking, natural disaster, or serious accident and injury. Those who suffer from PTSD usually show signs of having flashbacks and may seem detached from people. They do not want to be around any situation or person that may remind them of the traumatic event. To overcome these feelings and behaviors, those with PTSD may engage in therapy with a counselor who is trained to understand PTSD and its effects. In addition to these therapies, medication [...]

Comments Off

Gaslighting in Relationships: Effective Ways to Respond

Gaslighting in Relationships: Effective Ways to Respond

Sarah Harris, Kate Motaung2025-05-21T06:50:10+00:00May 21st, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Imagine waking up to a world where your reality feels like a mirage, where the truth is foggy and distorted by someone else’s perceptions. This is the haunting reality of gaslighting. Gaslighting in relationships can leave you feeling disoriented, questioning even your reality, and undermining your self-worth. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person tries to make another person doubt their perception of reality, memories, or feelings. The term originates from the play, “Gas Light,” where the husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is losing her sanity by dimming the gas lights and denying it. Gaslighting in relationships often involves tactics such as denying facts, twisting the truth, blaming the victim, and using emotional manipulation. The goal is to gain control over the victim, leading them to feel confused, anxious, and insecure about their own judgment and perceptions. Powerful Strategies to Combat Gaslighting in Relationships During this emotional turmoil, it’s important to respond in ways that are effective. Here are some powerful strategies to combat gaslighting in relationships. Trust your gut Listen to your gut feelings. If something feels off in your relationship, don’t dismiss those feelings. While the world might tell you that you should trust your instincts, as Christians, we know that at times, that still small voice warning you of potential danger may be the Holy Spirit. Journal your truth Start a personal journal dedicated to your thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Document specific incidents where you felt gaslighted, including quotes from the abuser and your reactions. This practice can serve as a concrete reminder of your reality and help you reclaim your narrative. Be sure to store your journal in a secure place, out of the hands of your abuser. Keep evidence If you feel comfortable doing so, gather evidence of [...]

Comments Off

The Link Between Abandonment Trauma and Vulnerability

The Link Between Abandonment Trauma and Vulnerability

Ashlynn Barnette, Kate Motaung2025-05-20T09:35:44+00:00May 20th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Most of us have one or two close friends to whom we can open up, even though we might default to bottling things up and dealing with struggles alone. Vulnerability is a risk that requires us to trust someone else with personal information, not unlike an animal exposing its belly to potential predators. We might not have realized it, but there is often a link between our struggles with letting our guard down and abandonment trauma. As tricky as vulnerability can be, it is a skill that we can learn and practice. However, we might have to confront the abandonment trauma we have experienced before we can learn to trust others. The Lonely Child The first person we learn to trust in life is the parent we are closest to. We tell them about our day at school and the things we learned, and we ask them questions about the world around us. Their openness and availability provide a safe place in which we can learn, grow, and feel valued. However, not every child has this kind of bond with an adult. Others experience moments of closeness and intimacy with their parents, followed by times when they are distant and closed off. Some children learn to be self-reliant at a young age. This is a survival tactic; they are learning to cope with the trauma that comes from neglect or abandonment. A parent might be physically present in their child’s life, performing all the tasks that a parent should, but emotionally distant from them. When a parent fails to show concern and interest in their children’s lives, their kids will learn that their experiences, fears, preferences, and accomplishments are meaningless. Some children appear to be resilient on the outside, while on the inside, they are lonely and scared, always [...]

Comments Off

5 Trauma-Informed Beliefs That Can Cause Anxiety

5 Trauma-Informed Beliefs That Can Cause Anxiety

Sarah Harris, Kate Motaung2025-04-23T08:11:39+00:00April 21st, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Many people experience anxiety without knowing where it comes from. While anxiety can be linked to external events or part of a disorder, more often than not, anxiety is connected to the way we see the world and the beliefs we carry. It is possible to gain control over certain types of anxiety. It might require that we face past experiences and rewire our limiting beliefs that are connected to unresolved trauma. In this article, we’ll consider some trauma-informed beliefs that can lead to anxiety. Inside Out: The Way We See the World Our childhood experiences shape the way we see ourselves, others, and the world around us. Some of the things we faced growing up were traumatic, even though it might have felt normal or common. For example, some parents have a rule not to lock doors in the home. They regularly snoop and inspect their children’s rooms. A child who grew up without being afforded trust or privacy will likely struggle with boundaries as an adult and may be anxious as they try to enforce them. Their underlying belief might be that personal boundaries are wrong, dangerous, or only afforded to others, but not themselves. Plano Christian Counseling can help individuals unlearn harmful patterns, establish healthy boundaries, and embrace their worth through faith-based guidance and support. We don’t always frame certain experiences as being traumatic because we were exposed to them as a norm. It is only as we grow and get close to people that they become mirrors that we can look into and see ourselves. A friend, loved one, coworker, or counselor might question a belief that we didn’t even realize was abnormal. This causes us to see ourselves or our beliefs in a new light. Unresolved trauma is at the root of a lot [...]

Comments Off

Fear of Abandonment: How It Develops and How It Can Affect You

Fear of Abandonment: How It Develops and How It Can Affect You

Bryan Ferguson, Kate Motaung2025-04-23T09:29:56+00:00April 8th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Have you ever had an experience so visceral that to this day it feels like that moment never quite left you? It could be the first time you saw the ocean, the time you fell from a tree, a time when you saw a project come together and felt alive, or perhaps when you experienced a tragic loss. Our bodies and our minds remember the things that happen to us; they leave a mark on us, even if it’s not visible. The experiences that you have will impact you in one way or the other. They may contribute to making you more fearful, adventurous, circumspect, or ambivalent. A fear of abandonment may result from certain life experiences, and it can have a profound impact on how you live your life and conduct your relationships. Fear of Abandonment Explained When a person is said to have a fear of abandonment, it means that they have an intense or deep-seated concern that they will experience desertion, rejection, or otherwise be left behind by someone that they care about a lot. This fear of abandonment can occur due to various factors such as trauma, past experiences of rejection or abandonment, or because of an insecure attachment style. Plano Christian Counseling offers compassionate, faith-based support to help individuals heal from past wounds and develop secure, healthy relationships. The complex emotional issue of fearing abandonment can result in several outcomes, including feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and distress. Instead of feeling like safe places, relationships can wind up feeling like a disaster waiting to happen, diminishing one’s enjoyment of it. There are several different forms and sources of this fear of abandonment. One of them is emotional abandonment, which is when a person feels they’re not being validated by others, or they feel unseen and [...]

Comments Off

Emotional Neglect in Relationships: Why It Happens and How to Remedy It

Emotional Neglect in Relationships: Why It Happens and How to Remedy It

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-03-21T08:03:25+00:00March 14th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

The people you are close to play an important role in your life. One of the key predictors of well-being is whether we’re in healthy relationships with others, whether it’s with a spouse, friends, siblings, colleagues, or neighbors. Some relationships will have a deeper and more lasting impact compared to others, but the point is that as relational and social creatures, the health of our relationships is immensely important. If the health of our relationships matters for our well-being, it pays to know why those relationships can go wrong, and how to remedy it. One of the key areas where a relationship can be unhealthy is when emotional neglect is taking place. Emotional Neglect in Relationships Emotional neglect is an unfortunate reality in many relationships. Whether it’s between parents and their children, siblings, or in a romantic relationship, it’s possible for loved ones to experience emotional neglect. Emotional neglect can be understood as a type of abuse. When a person is neglected emotionally, their emotional needs are consistently ignored, dismissed, or disregarded. Plano Christian Counseling can provide support and guidance for individuals experiencing emotional neglect. What adds to the pain of emotional neglect is that the ones who are disregarding or dismissing another’s emotional needs are the same people who carry the responsibility to meet those needs. Partners, caregivers, or parents are responsible to others to meet their needs, and it’s part of what makes the relationship a healthy one. Emotional neglect can take various forms, including minimizing or trivializing the other person’s experiences; being unavailable and unresponsive when called upon; showing little to no interest in the others’ feelings, thoughts, or experiences; not providing reassurance or comfort; ignoring or dismissing the other’s emotions; withholding validation and support; and not acknowledging or apologizing for hurtful or harmful behavior. When [...]

Comments Off

5 Good Boundaries to Draw With People Who Have Caused Trauma

5 Good Boundaries to Draw With People Who Have Caused Trauma

McCartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-03-21T09:20:10+00:00March 10th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

` One of the most critical aspects of our emotional freedom is to forgive those who have hurt us. This is especially true for people who have suffered trauma or abuse. A person with a traumatic past may need the help of forgiveness to move past it and thrive in their lives. However, just because a person has forgiven someone does not mean they need to give them access to their lives. Good Boundaries to Draw With Causers of Trauma Boundaries help people limit access to interaction with them and what they can know about them. A person who wants to protect themselves from suffering trauma again needs to draw proper boundaries with that person. Here are five good boundaries to draw with people who have caused trauma: Time Boundaries Limit the amount of time you spend with a person. If you see that person regularly, limiting the time you spend talking with that person is essential. A person who has subjected you to trauma and is not repentant may quickly come back to that topic and cause you pain and harm by denying the behavior even existed. This can re-trigger the pain you are trying to get past. Furthermore, a person who has subjected you to trauma wants to know more about you. By spending more time with you, they can learn more details about your life. Draw a reasonable time boundary and limit their time with you or your loved ones. Plano Christian Counseling can help you set healthy boundaries and find healing from past trauma. Space Boundaries Similarly, limit or restrict their ability to get close to you. A person who is close to you in proximity can try to hug you or, even worse, abuse you. To protect yourself, you need to draw a space [...]

Comments Off

Common Questions When Dealing with Grief and the Holidays

Common Questions When Dealing with Grief and the Holidays

Bryan Ferguson, Kate Motaung2025-03-21T09:23:16+00:00March 7th, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

The holidays, like grief, are a mixed bag of unpredictable events and the emotions that grow from them. Put dealing with grief and important holidays like Christmas together and you have the recipe for a tumultuous and volatile storm of emotions. Throw in the pressure of expectations, family dynamics, financial obligations, dreary weather, and even more and you have a season that can be anything but merry and bright. If you’re struggling this holiday season, you’re not alone. There are a variety of reasons why people struggle during the Christmas season and grieving a lost loved one is often a trigger. So much of the holidays are built on family and friends and love and tradition and when something interrupts those relational bonds, the loss can be significant. So where do you go from here? Tips for Dealing with Grief During the Holidays Here are some ideas on how to make you feel a little merrier this holiday season, even in the midst of your grief. Be Realistic: Understand that the holidays are tough for everyone, especially those who are missing someone special, so be kind to yourself, as you would be kind to others. Know that your experience will be different in those first few years without your loved one. Plano Christian Counseling offers compassionate support to help you navigate grief and find comfort during the holiday season. It’s impossible to recreate your special moments and duplicate your memories when a key person is missing. Accept this reality as fact and you will have less stress. Instead, focus on moving forward and creating new memorable moments. Keep Expectations In Check: You may be used to an amazing home-cooked dinner and a tree surrounded by gifts from loved ones. That was certainly a nice memory, but it doesn’t have [...]

Comments Off

5 Ways to Grow After Betrayal Trauma

5 Ways to Grow After Betrayal Trauma

Wade Van Staden2025-03-25T14:49:19+00:00January 13th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

People who have experienced infidelity, separation, or divorce will often tell you that it is the hardest thing they have had to face. Besides all of the emotions that come with the territory, you might also have to navigate practical challenges you have never had to face alone, like being a single parent or having to live alone. Let's consider some practical ways in which you might recover and thrive after betrayal trauma. 5 Ways to Grow After Betrayal Trauma While it certainly is going to be a rough ride, there are silver linings and things to look forward to. Here are five ways that you might find yourself growing after experiencing infidelity or betrayal trauma: You learn to live again Some people go through divorce or leave their spouses late in life. Others have barely reached their forties before they face the end of a marriage. Whatever age you are at, you have just survived potentially the biggest challenge you have had to face. You are a survivor. Not only that, but you now have the chance to figure out what the rest of your life will look like. Plano Christian Counseling is here to support you as you navigate this new chapter and find hope for the future. You reevaluate relationships When you go through trauma, you will quickly realize who the key people in your life are. They might be the ones who have always been there, but their consistency cannot be underestimated. You might be surprised by the person who shows up for you at this point, but don’t take anyone for granted. Friends are the family we choose, but they are also the ones who show up for us in practical, measurable, dependable ways. You begin exploring new horizons This might be [...]

Comments Off

Trauma

CONTACT INFO

Plano Christian Counseling

ABOUT US