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Understanding Attachment Issues: 4 Attachment Styles

Understanding Attachment Issues: 4 Attachment Styles

By Plano Christian Counseling|2024-04-04T11:08:09+00:00November 15th, 2023|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The concept of “attachment issues” has become a bit of a buzzword, with a distinct lack of clarity around what it means and how it plays out in practice. The picture that comes to mind is of someone who has trouble maintaining healthy adult relationships, who is overly clingy, or behaves in a toxic way. Understanding Attachment Issues Understanding attachment issues requires getting to grips with attachment theory and attachment styles, which relate to how a person experienced attachment as a child. Four attachment styles. The attachment theory which was pioneered by John Bowlby in 1946 defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. His work focused on babies who had either strong or weak emotional connections with their mothers. The four main types of attachment, which can apply in childhood through adulthood, include: 1. Secure attachment. If a baby trusted their primary caregiver and formed a close, healthy bond with them in their early years, this caregiver gave the infant a secure base from which to explore the world. This is the best possible situation because it hardwires the individual’s brain to feel valued and accepted by other people, and they in turn value and accept other people. In adulthood, people who experienced a secure attachment will likely function well in relationships, trusting people (who merit trust), and being able to regulate their emotions apart from others. 2. Anxious-preoccupied. If a mother or other primary caregiver was inconsistent or slow in responding to an infant’s needs or failed to meet them in some way, a child may demonstrate an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This can lead to attachment issues in adulthood, with the person generally experiencing a negative view of themselves in relation to others. This means that in relationships, they crave intimacy and want to feel [...]

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Your Financial Future as a Couple

Your Financial Future as a Couple

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-11-09T08:47:30+00:00November 2nd, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Finances are a big part of life for everyone. In individuals, finances can be a complex issue. Add another person into the mix, and finances can get even more challenging. When you are part of a couple, talking about your financial future may feel uncomfortable. It is, however, an essential part of the health and future of your relationship. Honest, open communication is the key to a stronger relationship. Especially when it comes to finances. It may be difficult to talk about finances with your partner. This can be for a variety of reasons such as different ways of doing things, shame for past decisions, and unhealthy models for finances growing up. These things do not need to prevent you from having these important conversations. A counselor can guide you and your partner through conversations to help you communicate. As a neutral third party, the counselor can ask questions, lead conversations, help people see other perspectives, and offer strategies for better communication. This is incredibly helpful as two people try to build a firm financial future together. No matter what point you are at in your relationship, you can benefit from finding common ground with your partner regarding finances. Finances and new couples. Finances may not seem like a big deal at the beginning of a relationship. You do not need to discuss your financial information with someone you are getting to know. Early discussions about money may revolve around things like who pays for meals and going out or what kind of things work with your budget. Being honest about this early on is helpful as you get to know one another better and spend more time together. Finances and established couples. If you have been dating for a good amount of time and you both consider your [...]

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Overeating Disorder Recovery

Overeating Disorder Recovery

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-10-28T10:04:12+00:00August 26th, 2023|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Eating disorders, like anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and binge eating disorder (overeating disorder) can be fatal without treatment. Recovery from overeating disorder and other eating disorders is possible. Tips for Overeating Disorder Recovery Seek professional help. Overeating disorder can coexist with anxiety and mood disorders. You may struggle with poor body image, negative self-worth, and low self-esteem. The compulsive behavior tricks you into believing you lack self-control and are helpless. This is not true. The first step is to seek professional help. One option is to contact our office at Plano Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment with a license counselor. Stay away from the scale. We can become obsessed with the numbers on the scale. If you struggle with body dysmorphia, poor body image, or low self-esteem, you may need to avoid the scale until you are well into recovery. The number on the scale is simply a number that relates to gravitational pull. It does not consider how much muscle you gain in your workouts, fluid retention, or any other factor. If you are a woman, your weight may fluctuate throughout your cycle, weighing more on the days leading up to your period and during the week of ovulation. Consider using a tape measure to track the lost inches and smaller clothing sizes instead of the scale. Identify negative self-talk. How do you talk to yourself? Are your words worse than you would say to others? We are often harder on ourselves than we are on others. Critical and negative self-talk belittles your motivation and self-esteem. The negative thoughts you hear may be echoes from words spoken over you in the past. You need to learn to let those words go. A counselor can help you identify and reframe those thoughts. Work on getting healthier. Although it is [...]

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Seen by the Savior: Overcoming Loneliness and the Wound of Rejection

Seen by the Savior: Overcoming Loneliness and the Wound of Rejection

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-10-28T10:04:51+00:00August 15th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

At times, the world can appear as a warm, lively place, brimming with possibility. At other times, it seems cold and full of loneliness. Jesus was fully aware of these contradictions and complexities in the world He entered as well as the one in which we currently live. As the stairway between God and humans, He came to redeem the lost connection (John 1:51). While it seems that many would embrace His gift of sacrifice and salvation, others rejected Him. In a matter of days, those who cheered Him, shouting Hosanna, countered their initial cries, insisting on His crucifixion (Mark 11:9-10; 15:13-14). The pain of rejection is real, and it can produce a feeling of “otherness,” a loneliness that the APA characterizes as affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary. Yet, this jumbled assortment of experience and emotion doesn’t cancel us out of the books that are written about us in Heaven (Psalm 56:8). As the Everlasting Father, God committed to developing us into all He envisioned us to be. The challenge is we may have discounted ourselves because we agreed with those who rejected us. If rejection’s message of disapproval, denial of attention, and love influenced us in childhood or vulnerable times, we may have come to believe that those negative words were true. Jesus knows the range of conflicts we experience in our emotions as He was fully God and human during the time of His earthly ministry. Scripture describes Him as well-acquainted with sorrows and grief, to the degree that people hid their faces from Him (Isaiah 53:3). The prophet Isaiah’s description of the Messiah sounds like someone we can identify with when it comes to rejection and the loneliness that may play a role in [...]

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Counseling for Children: 5 Principles to Bear in Mind

Counseling for Children: 5 Principles to Bear in Mind

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-10-28T10:06:16+00:00July 8th, 2023|Christian Counseling for Children, Christian Counseling For Teens, Family Counseling, Featured|

There are many reasons why a family might want to make use of counseling for children. A child may have experienced a traumatic event, such as death or divorce in the family; or been a victim of abuse or bullying. Other less serious circumstances can be perceived as traumatic for a child, for example, a move to a new school or another unexpected change. While children may be less equipped to verbalize their feelings than adults, it is important to bear in mind that counseling for children is not all that different from counseling adults. Children are people created in God’s image and sinners in a fallen world. The struggles and desires they face are not unique to those experienced by all people, and their only hope – as with adults – is the hope presented in Jesus Christ. This reality is encouraging when considering biblical counseling for children which can sometimes be deemed inappropriate or inaccessible for younger counselees. The following five principles are good to bear in mind. Involving parents in counseling for children is a priority. Where possible, it is important for parents as the primary caregivers of their children to be involved in the counseling process. In some circumstances, this might not be suitable. For example, if there is an incidence of abuse by a parent or if the relationship between parent and child is strained. It might be that the parents are immature in their faith. But if they are open to bringing their child to a Christian counselor, then it is a great opportunity for the whole family to be exposed to the redeeming power of God’s Word. Children can grasp wisdom from God’s Word. The Bible is accessible to every person, regardless of their education level or intellect, provided that they can [...]

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Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-10-28T09:59:25+00:00June 16th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

The workplace has become a major area of life in the past few decades. Because there is so much time spent at work there will inevitably be conflict in the workplace. Any type of conflict can reduce the workflow and decrease the positive atmosphere. Everyone must know how to resolve conflicts. This will create a healthy work atmosphere for everyone. A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NASB No matter how big or type of business there will be conflict because there are people present. These conflicts do not have to disrupt the workday. The ability to meet the conflict head-on with resolution will also keep the employees from facing burnout. The best way to resolve conflict is to have leadership that can recognize and address conflict. Three conflicts and resolutions Since many personalities are working together, the most common conflict in the workplace that occurs revolves around how people interact with people. Some conflicts occur that are more personal. No matter the cause there are ways to successfully resolve any type of conflict. Leadership conflict. This is one of the most common types of conflict. Every manager or leader has an idea about productively leading a team. This idea is not always the same for everyone. When there is a decision that causes conflict within the team, the leader must be able to identify and resolve the issue. Here are a few types of conflicts in this area: Decision-making: These conflicts occur when leaders of different areas disagree on a decision. Goals: A manager who has a goal that doesn’t align with the company may cause a conflict within the company and department. Roles: If a manager isn’t clear about their responsibilities it can lead to confusion within the [...]

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After the Affair: Can Trust Be Restored?

After the Affair: Can Trust Be Restored?

By Plano Christian Counseling|2023-10-28T10:01:29+00:00May 26th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Infidelity is not an easy thing to heal from. Finding out that that your spouse has cheated on you can be devastating. It’s like receiving a sucker punch to your gut that leaves you reeling in shock and disbelief. Overcoming a breach of trust is one of the most difficult issues for a relationship to survive, but God is a healer of broken hearts, and with His help, it is possible to rebuild trust even after the affair. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending. – Maria Robinson What not to do after the affair The initial shock of discovering that a partner has been unfaithful and the flooding emotions are normal. Reactions sparked by this may seem reasonable and justifiable at the moment but will hinder healing and likely lead to regrets later on. Avoid telling everyone about it. Before you impulsively tell everyone what your spouse has done, allow yourself and your partner time to discuss and determine how you want to proceed going forward, what you are going to share, and with whom. Avoid blasting your cheating spouse on social media. Once you put something out on social media it lives forever even if you later decide to delete it. Avoid making life-altering decisions. Acting impulsively while your thinking is clouded, such as filing for divorce or retaliating by having an affair of your own, can make any possibility of healing your relationship more difficult. Take time to think things through before doing anything rash. Avoid obsessing over the person your partner had an affair with. Hyper fixating on the other person, stalking him or her on social media, or allowing obsessive thoughts of him or her to consume your mind can only make [...]

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Loved and Found: The Healing Power that Overcomes Trauma and Shame

Loved and Found: The Healing Power that Overcomes Trauma and Shame

By Plano Christian Counseling|2024-04-04T11:10:35+00:00May 2nd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Humans are curious creatures. We are breathing miracles that embody the creative brilliance of the King of the Universe. He isn’t an aloof God, externalized from our infirmities and issues, but rather the one Lord and Father of all, who isn’t far from any of us (Acts 17:27) even in our trauma and shame. That Truth comes alive in and for those who accept the olive branch of The Father’s Offering, in Jesus. As God’s Son and our Savior, Jesus poured His entire life to reconcile us with the Father, receive us into the family, making us righteous–all by faith in Christ. God’s abundant affection toward us characterizes the miracle of salvation, but our own diminished self-worth causes us to wrestle with giving and receiving a Love this relentless, raw, and real. Our relationship with God, ourselves, and others would ideally be characterized by all the Father initiates and imparts, but the same complications that entered Eden, afflict us, too. When we search outside of God and His expansive provision, we stumble and injure ourselves in search of identity and validation. We scout for attention, affirmation, and affection in the wrong places, though we were already created in and for love by our God who is Love. In response to the Father, we love and learn how to receive and rest in it for ourselves, return it to Him, and release it to others. The pathology of trauma and shame A soul that injures itself operates similarly to an auto-immune deficiency. Many times, when we have been infected by trauma, our hearts and minds behave with the same pattern where dis-ease deconstructs the body from the inside out. When infirmity causes the body to become confused, it wars against itself. It mistakes the agents that promote health and help, [...]

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Slow Burn: Releasing Unresolved Anger and the Right to Revenge

Slow Burn: Releasing Unresolved Anger and the Right to Revenge

By Plano Christian Counseling|2024-04-04T11:13:03+00:00April 29th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Anger is a normal emotion. We don’t have to fear it; but like fire, we are to handle it responsibly, with caution, maturity, and a sober mind submitted to the Holy Spirit’s wisdom. We bring it to the Lord. As Helper, He filters what is unnecessary and gives insight and understanding of what to do with what’s left. We may have been legitimately wronged, but allowing unresolved anger in our lives has dire consequences we don’t always see. Cain didn’t know that his brother’s blood would cry out from the earth when he killed Abel. God heard it, though (Genesis 4:10-11). Perhaps, no human witnesses were present to observe the traumatic incidents that sparked our anger and the thirst for revenge. God knows all the details. Always present, our Advocate was fully aware and completely committed to righting the wrongs on our behalf. The Father repurposes evil, turning it for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). We have to yield God’s sovereign position to Him alone. We don’t have the right or the capacity to occupy His throne and administer short-sighted human justice, restricted by the finite realm of what we know, see, and feel. While our feelings are legitimate, our wounded hearts demonstrate true love when responding to God with trust versus unforgiveness and revenge. He does what we cannot. Love breaks the stronghold that hate seeks to establish in our hearts. We may look vulnerable, perhaps even foolish. Some would say that Jesus appeared the same way. Without retribution, He was tortured mercilessly for all of humanity, including those who reject Him as Savior and Lord. His suffering preceded the souls. Glory came later. But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, ESV Scripture is [...]

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How to Get Closer to God: Nurturing Your Spiritual Growth

How to Get Closer to God: Nurturing Your Spiritual Growth

By Plano Christian Counseling|2024-07-31T10:00:24+00:00April 19th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Listen to this article Summary Our lives are defined by our relationships, and out of the bounty of one’s relationship with God flows flourishing throughout our lives. He is always close to us, but we can choose whether we want to be closer to God. Through Jesus Christ, we can know God and walk in humble obedience with Him as we follow the lead of the Holy Spirit. Even when we encounter tough times, we can continue to walk closely with God and grow to become the kind of people He wants us to be. Table of Contents Introduction What does it mean to get closer to God? Why being closer to God matters. How to begin getting closer to God. Am I walking closely with God? What do you do if you’re struggling to connect with God? Frequently Asked Questions. 1. Introduction Getting to know someone doesn’t happen overnight. It takes loads of time and shared experiences to get to know and trust them. This goes for platonic and romantic relationships, and it also applies to how we relate to God. Whether you’re simply curious about how intimacy with God works, or you’re serious about discovering how to grow closer to God, this article will help you on your journey. You may even have been journeying with God for a while, and need to remind yourself of the basics that get lost in the shuffle of daily life. 2. What does it mean to get closer to God? God already knows you. God knows you better than you know yourself, and nothing that you say, do, think, or feel is surprising to Him. Psalm 139 begins this way: You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you [...]

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