Individual Counseling

Understanding Attachment Issues: 4 Attachment Styles

2024-09-27T12:00:00+00:00November 15th, 2023|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The concept of “attachment issues” has become a bit of a buzzword, with a distinct lack of clarity around what it means and how it plays out in practice. The picture that comes to mind is of someone who has trouble maintaining healthy adult relationships, who is overly clingy, or behaves in a toxic way. Understanding Attachment Issues Understanding attachment issues requires getting to grips with attachment theory and attachment styles, which relate to how a person experienced attachment as a child. Four attachment styles. The attachment theory which was pioneered by John Bowlby in 1946 defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. His work focused on babies who had either strong or weak emotional connections with their mothers. The four main types of attachment, which can apply in childhood through adulthood, include: 1. Secure attachment. If a baby trusted their primary caregiver and formed a close, healthy bond with them in their early years, this caregiver gave the infant a secure base from which to explore the world. This is the best possible situation because it hardwires the individual’s brain to feel valued and accepted by other people, and they in turn value and accept other people. In adulthood, people who experienced a secure attachment will likely function well in relationships, trusting people (who merit trust), and being able to regulate their emotions apart from others. 2. Anxious-preoccupied. If a mother or other primary caregiver was inconsistent or slow in responding to an infant’s needs or failed to meet them in some way, a child may demonstrate an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This can lead to attachment issues in adulthood, with the person generally experiencing a negative view of themselves in relation to others. This means that in relationships, they crave intimacy and want to feel [...]

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Overeating Disorder Recovery

2024-09-27T10:07:35+00:00August 26th, 2023|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Eating disorders, like anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and binge eating disorder (overeating disorder) can be fatal without treatment. Recovery from overeating disorder and other eating disorders is possible. Tips for Overeating Disorder Recovery Seek professional help. Overeating disorder can coexist with anxiety and mood disorders. You may struggle with poor body image, negative self-worth, and low self-esteem. The compulsive behavior tricks you into believing you lack self-control and are helpless. This is not true. The first step is to seek professional help. One option is to contact our office at Plano Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment with a license counselor. Stay away from the scale. We can become obsessed with the numbers on the scale. If you struggle with body dysmorphia, poor body image, or low self-esteem, you may need to avoid the scale until you are well into recovery. The number on the scale is simply a number that relates to gravitational pull. It does not consider how much muscle you gain in your workouts, fluid retention, or any other factor. If you are a woman, your weight may fluctuate throughout your cycle, weighing more on the days leading up to your period and during the week of ovulation. Consider using a tape measure to track the lost inches and smaller clothing sizes instead of the scale. Identify negative self-talk. How do you talk to yourself? Are your words worse than you would say to others? We are often harder on ourselves than we are on others. Critical and negative self-talk belittles your motivation and self-esteem. The negative thoughts you hear may be echoes from words spoken over you in the past. You need to learn to let those words go. A counselor can help you identify and reframe those thoughts. Work on getting healthier. Although it is [...]

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Seen by the Savior: Overcoming Loneliness and the Wound of Rejection

2024-09-27T11:58:27+00:00August 15th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

At times, the world can appear as a warm, lively place, brimming with possibility. At other times, it seems cold and full of loneliness. Jesus was fully aware of these contradictions and complexities in the world He entered as well as the one in which we currently live. As the stairway between God and humans, He came to redeem the lost connection (John 1:51). While it seems that many would embrace His gift of sacrifice and salvation, others rejected Him. In a matter of days, those who cheered Him, shouting Hosanna, countered their initial cries, insisting on His crucifixion (Mark 11:9-10; 15:13-14). The pain of rejection is real, and it can produce a feeling of “otherness,” a loneliness that the APA characterizes as affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary. Yet, this jumbled assortment of experience and emotion doesn’t cancel us out of the books that are written about us in Heaven (Psalm 56:8). As the Everlasting Father, God committed to developing us into all He envisioned us to be. The challenge is we may have discounted ourselves because we agreed with those who rejected us. If rejection’s message of disapproval, denial of attention, and love influenced us in childhood or vulnerable times, we may have come to believe that those negative words were true. Jesus knows the range of conflicts we experience in our emotions as He was fully God and human during the time of His earthly ministry. Scripture describes Him as well-acquainted with sorrows and grief, to the degree that people hid their faces from Him (Isaiah 53:3). The prophet Isaiah’s description of the Messiah sounds like someone we can identify with when it comes to rejection and the loneliness that may play a role in [...]

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Resolving Conflict in the Workplace

2024-09-27T11:57:57+00:00June 16th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

The workplace has become a major area of life in the past few decades. Because there is so much time spent at work there will inevitably be conflict in the workplace. Any type of conflict can reduce the workflow and decrease the positive atmosphere. Everyone must know how to resolve conflicts. This will create a healthy work atmosphere for everyone. A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1, NASB No matter how big or type of business there will be conflict because there are people present. These conflicts do not have to disrupt the workday. The ability to meet the conflict head-on with resolution will also keep the employees from facing burnout. The best way to resolve conflict is to have leadership that can recognize and address conflict. Three conflicts and resolutions Since many personalities are working together, the most common conflict in the workplace that occurs revolves around how people interact with people. Some conflicts occur that are more personal. No matter the cause there are ways to successfully resolve any type of conflict. Leadership conflict. This is one of the most common types of conflict. Every manager or leader has an idea about productively leading a team. This idea is not always the same for everyone. When there is a decision that causes conflict within the team, the leader must be able to identify and resolve the issue. Here are a few types of conflicts in this area: Decision-making: These conflicts occur when leaders of different areas disagree on a decision. Goals: A manager who has a goal that doesn’t align with the company may cause a conflict within the company and department. Roles: If a manager isn’t clear about their responsibilities it can lead to confusion within the [...]

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After the Affair: Can Trust Be Restored?

2024-09-27T10:07:56+00:00May 26th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Infidelity is not an easy thing to heal from. Finding out that that your spouse has cheated on you can be devastating. It’s like receiving a sucker punch to your gut that leaves you reeling in shock and disbelief. Overcoming a breach of trust is one of the most difficult issues for a relationship to survive, but God is a healer of broken hearts, and with His help, it is possible to rebuild trust even after the affair. Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending. – Maria Robinson What not to do after the affair The initial shock of discovering that a partner has been unfaithful and the flooding emotions are normal. Reactions sparked by this may seem reasonable and justifiable at the moment but will hinder healing and likely lead to regrets later on. Avoid telling everyone about it. Before you impulsively tell everyone what your spouse has done, allow yourself and your partner time to discuss and determine how you want to proceed going forward, what you are going to share, and with whom. Avoid blasting your cheating spouse on social media. Once you put something out on social media it lives forever even if you later decide to delete it. Avoid making life-altering decisions. Acting impulsively while your thinking is clouded, such as filing for divorce or retaliating by having an affair of your own, can make any possibility of healing your relationship more difficult. Take time to think things through before doing anything rash. Avoid obsessing over the person your partner had an affair with. Hyper fixating on the other person, stalking him or her on social media, or allowing obsessive thoughts of him or her to consume your mind can only make [...]

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Loved and Found: The Healing Power that Overcomes Trauma and Shame

2024-09-27T11:57:07+00:00May 2nd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Humans are curious creatures. We are breathing miracles that embody the creative brilliance of the King of the Universe. He isn’t an aloof God, externalized from our infirmities and issues, but rather the one Lord and Father of all, who isn’t far from any of us (Acts 17:27) even in our trauma and shame. That Truth comes alive in and for those who accept the olive branch of The Father’s Offering, in Jesus. As God’s Son and our Savior, Jesus poured His entire life to reconcile us with the Father, receive us into the family, making us righteous–all by faith in Christ. God’s abundant affection toward us characterizes the miracle of salvation, but our own diminished self-worth causes us to wrestle with giving and receiving a Love this relentless, raw, and real. Our relationship with God, ourselves, and others would ideally be characterized by all the Father initiates and imparts, but the same complications that entered Eden, afflict us, too. When we search outside of God and His expansive provision, we stumble and injure ourselves in search of identity and validation. We scout for attention, affirmation, and affection in the wrong places, though we were already created in and for love by our God who is Love. In response to the Father, we love and learn how to receive and rest in it for ourselves, return it to Him, and release it to others. The pathology of trauma and shame A soul that injures itself operates similarly to an auto-immune deficiency. Many times, when we have been infected by trauma, our hearts and minds behave with the same pattern where dis-ease deconstructs the body from the inside out. When infirmity causes the body to become confused, it wars against itself. It mistakes the agents that promote health and help, [...]

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Slow Burn: Releasing Unresolved Anger and the Right to Revenge

2024-09-27T11:58:20+00:00April 29th, 2023|Anger Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Anger is a normal emotion. We don’t have to fear it; but like fire, we are to handle it responsibly, with caution, maturity, and a sober mind submitted to the Holy Spirit’s wisdom. We bring it to the Lord. As Helper, He filters what is unnecessary and gives insight and understanding of what to do with what’s left. We may have been legitimately wronged, but allowing unresolved anger in our lives has dire consequences we don’t always see. Cain didn’t know that his brother’s blood would cry out from the earth when he killed Abel. God heard it, though (Genesis 4:10-11). Perhaps, no human witnesses were present to observe the traumatic incidents that sparked our anger and the thirst for revenge. God knows all the details. Always present, our Advocate was fully aware and completely committed to righting the wrongs on our behalf. The Father repurposes evil, turning it for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). We have to yield God’s sovereign position to Him alone. We don’t have the right or the capacity to occupy His throne and administer short-sighted human justice, restricted by the finite realm of what we know, see, and feel. While our feelings are legitimate, our wounded hearts demonstrate true love when responding to God with trust versus unforgiveness and revenge. He does what we cannot. Love breaks the stronghold that hate seeks to establish in our hearts. We may look vulnerable, perhaps even foolish. Some would say that Jesus appeared the same way. Without retribution, He was tortured mercilessly for all of humanity, including those who reject Him as Savior and Lord. His suffering preceded the souls. Glory came later. But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 5:8, ESV Scripture is [...]

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How to Get Closer to God: Nurturing Your Spiritual Growth

2024-10-23T13:01:18+00:00April 19th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Listen to this article Summary Our lives are defined by our relationships, and out of the bounty of one’s relationship with God flows flourishing throughout our lives. He is always close to us, but we can choose whether we want to be closer to God. Through Jesus Christ, we can know God and walk in humble obedience with Him as we follow the lead of the Holy Spirit. Even when we encounter tough times, we can continue to walk closely with God and grow to become the kind of people He wants us to be. Table of Contents Introduction What does it mean to get closer to God? Why being closer to God matters. How to begin getting closer to God. Am I walking closely with God? What do you do if you’re struggling to connect with God? Frequently Asked Questions. 1. Introduction Getting to know someone doesn’t happen overnight. It takes loads of time and shared experiences to get to know and trust them. This goes for platonic and romantic relationships, and it also applies to how we relate to God. Whether you’re simply curious about how intimacy with God works, or you’re serious about discovering how to grow closer to God, this article will help you on your journey. You may even have been journeying with God for a while, and need to remind yourself of the basics that get lost in the shuffle of daily life. 2. What does it mean to get closer to God? God already knows you. God knows you better than you know yourself, and nothing that you say, do, think, or feel is surprising to Him. Psalm 139 begins this way: You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you [...]

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What is Christian Family Counseling and How Do We Know if We Need It?

2024-09-27T11:56:21+00:00February 7th, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Building a strong family can seem like an insurmountable task. Family is the center of our most intense and significant relationships. Yet these relationships can be fraught with conflict, or they can suffer from a lack of closeness or stress from internal and external pressures – all good reasons to take part in family counseling. We cannot underestimate the importance of building a strong family and strengthening the relationships among spouses, parents and children, siblings, and extended family, yet often we struggle to know how to set healthy boundaries, strengthen bonds, build interdependence, and overcome conflict. In today’s world, we have more outside influence in our families than ever before. Sometimes, it might feel like we’re living separately under one roof, with everyone distracted by their screens. Maybe we’ve just drifted apart over the years and have lost the rhythms that used to draw us together. Christian family counseling can provide family support for numerous challenges facing families today, and help build a Christ-centered foundation for your family. What is Christian family counseling? Christian family counseling is an approach to counseling that looks at patterns and dynamics within a family rather than primarily focusing on an individual. While individual counseling provides a setting for one person to focus on primarily themselves and their perspective on relationships, family counseling addresses the group dynamic first. The counselors at Plano Christian Counseling use an integrated approach, combining proven therapeutic techniques with a biblical worldview to help you build a Christ-centered foundation for your family. The goal of Christian family counseling is to help you find holistic solutions for the problems you’re facing. If you are struggling in any way or simply want to take a proactive approach to strengthen your family, Christian family counseling can be the perfect way to address concerns, [...]

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7 Ways to Increase Your Motivation

2024-10-23T13:01:36+00:00January 31st, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

We all have goals that we’d like to realize in our lives. Despite this, many of us face challenges along the way as we work toward our objectives. We either do not have the motivation to get started, we do not have the energy to get started, or we do not know where to start. We put things off or come up with excuses. Then, we are harsh on ourselves, labeling ourselves as “lazy” or “slackers.” When we are feeling stuck or have been idling for an excessive amount of time, sometimes all we need is a jump-start or one or two strategies to boost our motivation. 7 Ways to Increase Your Motivation Here are some suggestions that have stood the test of time: 1. Prepare a timer for 15 minutes to boost motivation. You’re probably familiar with the pile of laundry that just emerged from the dryer and has to be folded. Or what about the dishes that suddenly materialized in the sink? Make it a personal challenge instead of wishing in the back of your mind that those things would go away, and turn it into a game. Put a fifteen-minute timer on yourself and see how much you can get done in that little amount of time. When you’re up against the clock, you might be amazed at how many tasks you can finish in a short amount of time. This is especially true when you’re trying to beat the clock. Knowing that there is a finish line to the work is also helpful. It won’t take more than a quarter of an hour to finish. Or, by that time, you will have deceived yourself into continuing the task, telling yourself that you are making good progress and that you would prefer to finish everything rather [...]

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