Relationship Issues

Everyone experiences abandonment and rejection at some point in their life. Each time we are taken for granted, used, and treated as if we were meaningless, it is akin to abandonment. By this definition, there are many different forms of abandonment and different ways in which we experience it. Being able to identify bad treatment or toxic relationships is the first step in our beginning to heal from abandonment trauma. Forms of Abandonment Needs Not Being Met Every person at every stage of life has needs, and the deepest of these can only be met in the context of relationships. A newborn has obvious needs (to be fed, kept warm and dry, and have skin-to-skin contact), but as she develops, her needs become more complex. We are indeed most vulnerable to abandonment trauma in our developmental years, but we might experience abandonment in relationships where our needs are not met. Sometimes we can be made to feel invisible and inconsequential in a relationship, to the point that we ignore our own needs. When this happens, we have been abandoned by our loved ones and by ourselves. Boundaries Not Being Respected It can be hard for some people to know or uphold their boundaries, but even they will feel disrespected and ultimately abandoned when their boundaries are constantly disrespected. When someone fails to respect our boundaries, they are communicating that we matter less than they do. The things that we try to protect, like our time, our peace, our personal space, or our routines, become resources for someone else to use and abuse. This is a form of abandonment because once again, we are made to feel worthless. Being Lied To Or Feeling Betrayed There is a special kind of hurt that comes from being lied to. Whether it’s an [...]

One of the great things about good stories is how they can surprise you. You may have thought that a story was going to go one way, and then things take a surprising turn into new territory, sweeping you along with it. Our lives are often like that – where your story is now and has been in the past doesn’t mean there aren’t still surprises ahead. It means that when all is said and done, our story may look vastly different than it does now. This can be incredible news, especially if your story up till now isn’t what you want or wanted for yourself. If you’re struggling in your relationships with others and find yourself falling into the same unhealthy patterns of relating to them, that doesn’t have to be a permanent situation. By learning your own patterns, where they come from, and how they affect you, you can begin growing and developing new ways of doing things. Attachment Styles – What Are Those? You may or may not have encountered the term ‘attachment style’ before. It refers to how we form and maintain our relationships with other people. Each person has a distinct and predominant style regarding how they relate to others. That’s one reason you can often see patterns across different relationships – one of the common denominators in those scenarios is you and how you do things. A person’s attachment style is usually based on or develops according to the pattern of our earliest interactions with the people in our lives. These people include parents or caregivers, who have the most to do with a child and their well-being in their early years. How you and your caregiver interact can influence you immensely because that is where you first learn how things work, and [...]

Abandonment wounds are difficult to deal with because we often don’t realize we have them. We sustain these wounds from childhood, and they remain with us as adults. They affect many different parts of our lives and relationships, shaping the way we feel about ourselves and the things we believe about others. It is possible to identify where our abandonment wound is and how it’s affecting us. As we begin to confront our beliefs and behaviors connected to our wounds, we will find ways to overcome them and free ourselves from fear and mistrust. Where It All Begins Sometimes, it helps to relive our past and talk about our childhood experiences. Certain events that we go through as children leave us feeling unsafe and uncertain. Adults, and our parents especially, are supposed to make us feel seen, heard, understood, and safe, but sadly, not every parent manages to do this. There could be many ways that we felt neglected, abandoned, or even betrayed by our parents, whether they were aware of their behavior or not. Plano Christian Counseling offers compassionate, faith-based support to help individuals process childhood wounds and move toward healing and restoration. The relationships we have with our parents in childhood affect the connections we make as adults. If we feel unsafe and uncertain as children, the chances are we are going to struggle with trusting others in our adult friendships and relationships. If we were left yearning for a stronger bond with our parents or wished they had been more constant in their care of us, we might be clingy and insecure in our adult connections. We might never have framed our parents’ actions as neglectful or damaging, but we still find ourselves triggered by certain things as adults. Sometimes, these triggers are small, like an [...]