Relationship Issues Archives | Plano Christian Counseling

How to Build Intimacy When You Have Trust Issues in a Relationship

How to Build Intimacy When You Have Trust Issues in a Relationship

Sarah Harris, Kate Motaung2024-12-20T05:37:08+00:00December 20th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

When two people are in a relationship with each other, they have the opportunity to open themselves up to each other and build up a history of fruitful and positive interactions. If you accumulate enough of these positive and fruitful interactions with a person, that usually allows you to continue being open to them, and avoid trust issues. Trusting other people with pieces of ourselves isn’t an easy thing. For one thing, not everyone is trustworthy, and it isn’t always easy to let other people into our inner world. If there are trust issues in a relationship, such as in a marriage, between friends, colleagues, or family members, it makes that situation difficult to navigate. But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. – 1 Corinthians 7:2–5 What causes trust issues in a relationship? But what lies at the root of trust issues in a relationship? Many possible causes can account for why trust never blossomed in a relationship, or why the trust that existed in a relationship has faltered or been lost and is now hard to recover. Emotional vulnerability with another person is a fragile thing, and so it can be both hard to form a bond of trust, and [...]

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Causes and Signs of a Strained Relationship

Causes and Signs of a Strained Relationship

Jennifer Kooshian2024-11-29T06:30:34+00:00November 28th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

When people get along swimmingly, they enjoy spending time with each other, and they expend effort to create opportunities to have more shared experiences. This is how trust is built over time, and that is how long-lasting bonds are formed. However, even the healthiest relationship can find itself under pressure, and the people in the relationship on less than friendly terms. When a relationship is strained, it can affect how the relationship functions and how the people in it feel about each other. Relationship strain happens, but it’s possible to resolve the tensions in the relationship to restore it stronger than ever before. What Strains Relationships? What does it mean to say that a relationship is strained? When a relationship is described as “strained” it means that it’s a relationship in which relations aren’t normal, and that is plagued by one or more problems that have the result of denying the people in the relationship their needs. A strained relationship goes beyond the rough patches or difficult seasons that even the most healthy and loving partnerships experience every so often. In a healthy relationship, conflict is resolved through clear communication that helps the relationship remain stable even as issues are dealt with. In strained relationships, by contrast, issues aren’t resolved well, and this leads to escalating conflict and increasing anger and isolation in the relationship. Whatever the issues are, whether it’s about money, sex, parenting, or goals, the relationship takes on strain when it begins to break down the bonds between the people in the relationship. When a relationship is strained, the differences that exist between people become a wedge that separates them. Under normal circumstances, those differences would be appreciated and dealt with in ways that promote the health of the relationship and one another. Some of [...]

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Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

Connecting Well with Others: Relationship Advice for Women

McCartney Paul, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:29:40+00:00November 6th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

The greatest treasure in our lives is not all the stuff we have, including our homes, jobs, wealth, or looks. To be sure, those things all have their place in our lives, but the value they possess is limited. Rather, what is of greatest value is our relationships. these relationships can be with our friends, neighbors, siblings, and other family members, or our romantic partners. When these relationships are of a good quality, that impacts your overall well-being in a way little else can. “Stuff” is best enjoyed when it’s shared with your loved ones. It should come as no surprise that your relationships are of such importance. For one thing, people are deeply social and relational beings, something we get from our Heavenly Father. In the beginning, God created human beings in His image and likeness. That can mean many different things, including taking care of our world, but it also means there’s something about us that images God. God is love (1 John 4:16), and love is all about rich, deep, truthful, and healthy relationships with others. If the God we reflect is eternally Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, then it makes all the sense in the world that we are relational creatures too. Our overall well-being is intimately tied to our relationships. A person who has healthy, positive, and supportive relationships has a greater likelihood of being happier and healthier. Life isn’t always sunny, and we often encounter hardships such as death, losing a job, or struggles with our health. That’s why developing and maintaining good connections with other people matters. When we are going through hard times, those relationships can also help us to combat loneliness and improve mental health issues such as stress and anxiety. Some relationship advice for women Your relationships matter, and you [...]

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Benefits of Premarital Counseling Questions

Benefits of Premarital Counseling Questions

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T11:49:53+00:00August 26th, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Getting married is always a special time in a person’s life. We want to do the right things and take the right steps to cultivate a marriage that lasts a lifetime. Premarital counseling questions can help identify areas of concern that can be addressed before marriage. These questions can also help the couple understand the expectations about marriage. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:6-7, NIV Benefits of premarital counseling questions When a couple engages on a deeper level about their expectations for marriage, they can create a strong bond that will help them navigate the hard times. It can help them identify areas that could cause conflict and be able to address those issues positively and productively. Discussing expectations By discussing expectations in the confines of the marriage, the couple can come to an understanding of their role in creating a stable and healthy household. Healthy conflict resolution Developing skills for conflict management can reduce tension and disagreements in the future. Healthy conflict resolution also includes listening and understanding the other person’s feelings. Healthy communication In any relationship, communication is vital. This includes active, listening, and understanding what is being said, as well as responding in a healthy manner. Discussing hard topics Hard topics like finances, intimacy, and children can be hard to discuss. Identifying the conflicts and reaching resolutions can help the couple agree on future goals. Examine the values in needs Being able to openly discuss rules will reduce tension about certain areas of life. Learning to work through disagreements about responsibilities, beliefs, and needs will cultivate a healthy marriage. Identifying family behavior patterns Taking time to discuss the behavior patterns that have been a part of each [...]

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6 Tips for Better Communication in Relationships

6 Tips for Better Communication in Relationships

Wade Van Staden2024-09-27T10:06:14+00:00July 30th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A failure to use effective communication in relationships means a failure to connect with others. It’s one thing to be aware of these intimacy gaps in our relationships, but it’s not always easy knowing how to bridge them. 6 Tips for Better Communication Here are six tips for better communication in relationships: Check in by asking questions When we have communication breakdowns, we begin to experience distance from our partner because we have stopped being intentional in connecting with them. Every relationship has a rhythm that incorporates work, family, friends, and pressures. These things have a habit of stealing our energy and focus. Before we realize it, we have been swept up in the rhythm of life like a current dragging us away from our significant other. It might seem odd to share personal space with someone each day and still have to ask a question like, “How are you doing?” but that is one effective way of reconnecting with your partner. It’s a case of putting off obligations, making time to be alone together, giving each other your full attention, and checking in. When we feel valued and safe, the conversation should flow effortlessly. Pay attention People communicate with more than words. There is as much meaning in the things we don’t say as in the things we do. A partner who is struggling with something and responds with a simple, “I’m fine” when asked, might be communicating that they are too overwhelmed to express themselves fully. That kind of guarded communication might come across as dismissive and it can be hurtful. We must ask ourselves what is behind their attitude, and pay attention to things like body language, mood, and eye contact. Accept differences The old saying that opposites attract is often accurate. On one hand, we [...]

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Understanding the Different Communication Styles

Understanding the Different Communication Styles

McCartney Paul, Kate Motaung2024-11-13T11:30:38+00:00June 21st, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

Just like our personality or how we view the world, each of us has any one of a number of different communication styles. This is the way we try to convey our ideas, values, thoughts, and feelings and how those are received or perceived. How we communicate is as important as what it is we are trying to communicate. As we talk and interact in the world, we must ensure that our intentions are not misinterpreted and that we do not hurt others unintentionally. Some of the communication styles people adopt tend to have negative effects. This is why it is important to understand the different types to see if one needs to make changes in how they communicate with others or how to handle those people whose communication style is not like theirs. 5 different communication styles There are five different communication styles, namely aggressive, passive, passive-aggressive, manipulative, and assertive. We will discuss each one in this article. Passive communicators Passive communicators come off as easy-going, happy-go-lucky types of people. They prefer not to let their feelings or thoughts be known. It is difficult to know what their stance on important issues is as they can act indifferent to what is being discussed, take a more submissive role, and go with whatever they are told, even if they disagree vehemently. These types of people find it difficult to say no, especially if they find themselves in subordinate roles. They almost seem unsure of themselves, and they avoid conflict by conforming. In terms of body language, they are usually fidgety and avoid direct eye contact. They speak with a soft, almost inaudible voice as if they are not sure what they are about to say. How to work with a passive communicator One-on-one communication They usually feel more comfortable [...]

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Will I Ever Get Married? Facts Vs. Myths About Marriage

Will I Ever Get Married? Facts Vs. Myths About Marriage

Sandra Stein2024-09-27T11:51:13+00:00May 20th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

For many people, getting married is one of the central goals of their life. “Will I ever get married?” is a wistful question they often ask themselves when they see their friends married, getting married, or in serious relationships and they are not. They view their singleness as an insurmountable wall separating them from happiness and wonder if there is something wrong with them and if or when it will ever be their turn. Does this resonate with you? If so, this article may be a source of encouragement and hope. Answers to the question, “Will I ever get married?” One answer is that it depends on how much effort you are willing to put into dating and looking for a potential partner. Finding a mate is not a passive process. A romance that leads to a lasting marriage often takes purposeful effort. It means socializing and interacting with people rather than living an isolated life. One way is to pursue hobbies or activities where you are most likely to meet people who share similar values and interests as you do and that could potentially lead to a meaningful relationship. Another answer is that just because it has not happened yet does not mean that it never will. Being single and trying to find love can be difficult and frustrating, but it does not make you less of a person, nor is it a reflection of how undesirable you are. Decide what characteristics are most important to you in a marriage partner and look for someone who meets the criteria. Date with intentionality, and without compromising or being willing to settle on important issues. Being married to the right person is more important than just being married. The only way to guarantee you’ll never get married is to stop [...]

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Overcoming Trust Issues In A Relationship

Overcoming Trust Issues In A Relationship

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T10:55:21+00:00April 1st, 2024|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

If you’re not able to trust someone, there’s little foundation for a meaningful relationship with them. Trust, just like mutual respect, good communication, and love, are the key ingredients in a healthy relationship. When trust is lacking, the relationship is in a bit of a bind because it will likely lack depth and intimacy. That’s because you need to trust someone before you can be vulnerable with them. Trust issues interfere with this. What is trust? When you say you trust someone, you’re making a claim about their reliability. You can rely on their words, and you can rely on the fact that their actions have reasonable and good motivation behind them. Trust allows you to have a conversation with someone without wondering if they have a hidden agenda that will harm you. Trust is also what allows you to share yourself and be vulnerable with other people. Trust between two people develops in various ways. Often, when you spend time with someone, you get to observe them. They build a history of saying and doing things, and you can see for yourself if what they say and do match up or contradict one another. Over time, they show themselves to be dependable, and worthy of being taken at their word because they have demonstrated their character. You can be vulnerable with someone you trust, and that strengthens and deepens the relationship. In other situations, we trust people because someone we know and whose judgment we value trusts them. That’s one reason you go on a blind date with someone a trusted friend recommends. Sometimes, we trust people because they possess certain qualities that make them seem trustworthy. In other cases, we trust people because we have no choice but to take them at their word. That trust may [...]

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Preventing Codependency in Marriage

Preventing Codependency in Marriage

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T12:00:07+00:00November 17th, 2023|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A healthy and balanced marriage relationship may be the goal, but it isn’t always easy. One way you can create and maintain a healthy relationship is by preventing codependency in marriage. By working with your spouse, you can develop a healthy love and care for one another while maintaining the unique characteristics God gave you. Avoiding codependency will help ensure that each person’s feelings are respected, and their needs are met. Healthy marriage tips to avoid codependency in marriage. As you strive for a healthy marriage, you can implement the strategies below. It will help you and your partner foster independence and maintain individual identities as you nurture your marriage. Communication is key. Strive to have open and honest communication with your partner. Prioritize discussing your feelings, needs, and concerns regularly. As you do this be sure that both partners feel heard and understood. Set and respect boundaries. Boundaries are part of healthy relationships. Seek to establish clear, loving boundaries in your relationship. As you recognize that each person has their own needs and feelings, you make each person feel respected and loved. When this happens, you can build a stronger relationship. Prioritize self-care. Self-care benefits both people in a marriage. Encourage one another to engage in self-care activities that promote physical, emotional, and mental well-being. This helps both people function well, enabling them to love one another better. Maintain individual interests and friendships. Everyone has their own passions and interests. Make time and space for pursuing these. Even friendships and social connections outside of your marriage are good for you. Communicate well about it and avoid keeping secrets from one another to foster a healthy relationship as you do this. Try to seek balance. Create a comfortable balance between time spent together and time spent apart. This allows [...]

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Understanding Attachment Issues: 4 Attachment Styles

Understanding Attachment Issues: 4 Attachment Styles

Jennifer Kooshian2024-09-27T12:00:00+00:00November 15th, 2023|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

The concept of “attachment issues” has become a bit of a buzzword, with a distinct lack of clarity around what it means and how it plays out in practice. The picture that comes to mind is of someone who has trouble maintaining healthy adult relationships, who is overly clingy, or behaves in a toxic way. Understanding Attachment Issues Understanding attachment issues requires getting to grips with attachment theory and attachment styles, which relate to how a person experienced attachment as a child. Four attachment styles. The attachment theory which was pioneered by John Bowlby in 1946 defined attachment as a “lasting psychological connectedness between human beings”. His work focused on babies who had either strong or weak emotional connections with their mothers. The four main types of attachment, which can apply in childhood through adulthood, include: 1. Secure attachment. If a baby trusted their primary caregiver and formed a close, healthy bond with them in their early years, this caregiver gave the infant a secure base from which to explore the world. This is the best possible situation because it hardwires the individual’s brain to feel valued and accepted by other people, and they in turn value and accept other people. In adulthood, people who experienced a secure attachment will likely function well in relationships, trusting people (who merit trust), and being able to regulate their emotions apart from others. 2. Anxious-preoccupied. If a mother or other primary caregiver was inconsistent or slow in responding to an infant’s needs or failed to meet them in some way, a child may demonstrate an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This can lead to attachment issues in adulthood, with the person generally experiencing a negative view of themselves in relation to others. This means that in relationships, they crave intimacy and want to feel [...]

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