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Common Childhood Experiences that Can Cause Emotional Trauma

Common Childhood Experiences that Can Cause Emotional Trauma

Tammy Varghese, Kate Motaung2025-07-23T06:22:46+00:00July 23rd, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Trauma|

Everyone starts life with a limited frame of reference for how the world works. It is a handful of adults and peers who shape us, teach us, help us grow. Sometimes, they damage us. It is only as we navigate adult relationships, intimacy, and careers that we begin to realize how we are damaged. We begin to wonder what went wrong. Though we start life with a small frame of reference for what is “normal,” we later learn that some of the common childhood experiences we had at home and school were damaging. They resulted in deep emotional trauma that we now have to confront and heal. A Bent Sapling Children can be resilient, but they will only thrive when they experience healthy conditions. Essentially, children are like delicate saplings of trees growing, taking shape, and bearing fruit. How well they grow, what heights they will reach, and what shape they will take is determined by their experiences in early childhood. All forms of violent abuse are like axes directed at the sapling. It is little wonder that they won’t grow if they had to endure those experiences at so tender an age. On the other hand, some children endure subtle forms of emotional trauma and are deeply affected by it, though they won’t immediately show it. Common Childhood Experiences That Cause Emotional Trauma The Silent Treatment Many adults are not equipped to handle their emotions. They go one of two ways when they are upset: either they blow up and externalize their emotions on their kids, or they internalize their emotions and use the silent treatment. This is damaging for many reasons, but mainly because children do not understand what their parents are doing when they suddenly become distant and silent. They are left to fill in the [...]

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When ADHD Interferes With Your Relationships

When ADHD Interferes With Your Relationships

McCartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-07-23T06:19:41+00:00July 23rd, 2025|ADHD/ADD, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Relationships are important. They are part of God’s plan. He made us social creatures. In Genesis, we find that God didn’t want Adam to be alone, so He created Eve. The Bible is full of stories of how God has provided people to do his work and to love His followers. So, when you long for relationships, it’s not unusual – it’s part of God’s plan. But if you have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (also known as ADHD), you may be struggling in your relationships. It’s one thing to desire deep, meaningful, and mutually beneficial relationships, and it’s a whole other thing to make and preserve them. ADHD Relationship Obstacles If you have ADHD, you’re probably already familiar with some of the obstacles that this disorder presents when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You’re probably acutely aware of the fact that you interrupt people when they’re talking or that you have a hard time focusing on a conversation. You probably cringe when you think about the time that you were pacing the floor acting disinterested in a conversation. But your mind and your body often follow the directions of ADHD rather than social norms. A romantic relationship adds a whole other layer of confusion and misunderstanding. You might be in a fully committed, loving relationship, ready to make a life together, but if your partner doesn’t understand your ADHD, you might not be perceiving the relationship in the same way. When you forget something they just said or lose track of the task that you promised to handle, it can feel to them like you’re careless or indifferent or even worse, that you simply don’t prioritize them or their needs. If they don’t understand that your brain works just a little differently, they may interpret your actions as lazy, [...]

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Social Media and Teens: Helping Your Teen Thrive Online

Social Media and Teens: Helping Your Teen Thrive Online

Sarah Harris, Kate Motaung2025-07-22T07:04:47+00:00July 22nd, 2025|Christian Counseling For Teens, Coaching, Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

People are highly adaptable creatures, but in other ways, we can become tied to our habits and find it hard to do anything different. There was a time, not that long ago, when getting to meet other people and exchange ideas was something you did largely in person. The world has changed quite rapidly, and now a person’s online presence can be more impactful than what they do in real life, away from their keyboards and social media handles. For teens who don’t know life apart from social media, a person’s online presence carries a lot more significance than what it does for people who are casual or non-users. If you’re the parent or caregiver of a teen, you must teach yourself about social media so you can help your teen navigate the joys and perils of social media. Social Media and Teens: It’s a Thing It should be said from the outset that teens are by no means monolithic. They don’t all enjoy the same things, so they can’t be easily pigeonholed. Broadly speaking, for teens, because of how tech-savvy they tend to be, and because they’re at the stage of life where they are experimenting, learning, being creative, pushing boundaries, and testing the edges of what’s acceptable, social media is a place where these things can be given full vent. Love it or hate it, social media has become an important part of our lives. Social media has become the new town square where people meet to share and debate ideas. Those debates aren’t always civil or informative, but there you have it. Social media is a place for connecting with others, building community, and a sense of belonging. Additionally, social media provides people with space to express themselves, creatively and otherwise. Now, at the push of [...]

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Walking Alongside a Loved One Struggling with Crippling Anxiety

Walking Alongside a Loved One Struggling with Crippling Anxiety

Bryan Ferguson, Kate Motaung2025-07-22T07:00:04+00:00July 22nd, 2025|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

When you’re going through a rough patch, having the right sort of company and support makes a world of difference. There’s a passage in Ecclesiastes that reads as follows: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV Journeying with others makes a difference; we need all the help we can get. While it’s great to have friends like that, ones who will come alongside you to help you up when you need it, what a gift it is to be a friend like that to someone else. We all experience anxiety in one form or another, but there are ways anxiety can affect a person that are debilitating, especially if that anxiety is intense. There are effective ways for you to come alongside a loved one who has this kind of intense, crippling anxiety. Crippling Anxiety Explored Anxiety comes in many shapes and sizes. We don’t all experience anxiety in the same way, and each person’s anxiety isn’t triggered by the same things. Some people recoil even at the thought of spiders, snakes, or public speaking. Others dread talking with someone they don’t know or driving in an unfamiliar environment. These and other situations may be met with anxious reactions that range from mild to extreme and debilitating. To talk of anxiety as being “crippling” isn’t to offer a clinical diagnosis. It is, however, something of an assessment and [...]

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4 Triggers for Highly Sensitive People

4 Triggers for Highly Sensitive People

Wade Van Staden2025-07-16T07:37:47+00:00July 16th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) means that your nervous system processes information more deeply and intensely than others. Things like noise and light levels in a room, the types of clothing you wear, or the general mood of a group of people could affect you in unique ways. Similarly, highly sensitive people might feel overwhelmed if they have a busy schedule or if people watch them while they perform a task. Busy schedules or noisy environments can be unpleasant for many people, but for the highly sensitive person (HSP), these things can be crippling. Without sufficient time to recharge, the HSP might shut down, completely unable to continue participating in simple daily events. It is helpful to know your triggers as an HSP, but there are five general triggers that most highly sensitive people face. Triggers for Highly Sensitive People Busy Environments A large part of being highly sensitive is having Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). Neither high sensitivity nor SPS is a disorder. Rather, they are traits that certain people have. Quite simply, it is when your brain is acutely attuned to notice and digest information. For example, the average person might take note of how noisy a certain location is and either feel energized by that or react negatively. As an HSP, or person with SPS, you will absorb details in the room like overlapping conversations, the variety of moods in the people present, the harshness of the overhead lighting, and the humidity from all the bodies. With time and practice, you can learn to filter out these details. You might need to avoid noisy, crowded environments like concerts, large shopping malls, and the gym during their busier hours. It takes time to learn what you can and what you cannot handle. Physical Sensations Being sensitive to [...]

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7 Ideas for Building Self-Esteem

7 Ideas for Building Self-Esteem

Ashlynn Barnette, Kate Motaung2025-07-05T05:42:53+00:00July 7th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

If you have felt out of sorts lately, it may have to do with your self-esteem. Factors such as bullying, abuse, trauma, negative self-talk, neglect, or prejudice can contribute to low self-esteem. Building self-esteem is critical for your emotional and mental well-being. Why Building Self-Esteem is Critical Although several factors can lead to low self-esteem, knowing who you are and how valuable you are to yourself, your loved ones, your community, and God is the basis of a healthy mental state. When you value yourself and perceive your worth, you build emotional resilience and do not feel as pressured by societal ideals. If your self-esteem is low, then you might: Compromise on your values. Stay in a toxic relationship. Compare yourself to others. Make rash decisions or struggle to make commitments. Never take risks. Struggle with body image, depression, and anxiety. Struggle to achieve goals. Let yourself go, including personal hygiene and health. Building self-esteem will positively affect your physical, emotional, and mental health. As you realize that you were made in the image and likeness of God, the belief that you are a co-heir to Christ’s kingdom and a son or daughter of the King, your confidence will soar. What if low self-esteem were no longer a barrier, and you knew in your heart that opportunities were available to you and doors were open that no man could shut if it were God’s will? Start by building self-esteem and shifting your mindset and beliefs. Ideas for Building Self-Esteem Building self-esteem takes practice. You may need to replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations, mantras, and beliefs. You will need to challenge your own thoughts and limiting beliefs. Your behavior will need to change to reflect confidence by adopting new actions. Although not mentioned in the list below, reading and [...]

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The Different Forms of Abandonment

The Different Forms of Abandonment

Wade Van Staden2025-06-27T06:20:35+00:00June 27th, 2025|Abandonment and Neglect, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Everyone experiences abandonment and rejection at some point in their life. Each time we are taken for granted, used, and treated as if we were meaningless, it is akin to abandonment. By this definition, there are many different forms of abandonment and different ways in which we experience it. Being able to identify bad treatment or toxic relationships is the first step in our beginning to heal from abandonment trauma. Forms of Abandonment Needs Not Being Met Every person at every stage of life has needs, and the deepest of these can only be met in the context of relationships. A newborn has obvious needs (to be fed, kept warm and dry, and have skin-to-skin contact), but as she develops, her needs become more complex. We are indeed most vulnerable to abandonment trauma in our developmental years, but we might experience abandonment in relationships where our needs are not met. Sometimes we can be made to feel invisible and inconsequential in a relationship, to the point that we ignore our own needs. When this happens, we have been abandoned by our loved ones and by ourselves. Boundaries Not Being Respected It can be hard for some people to know or uphold their boundaries, but even they will feel disrespected and ultimately abandoned when their boundaries are constantly disrespected. When someone fails to respect our boundaries, they are communicating that we matter less than they do. The things that we try to protect, like our time, our peace, our personal space, or our routines, become resources for someone else to use and abuse. This is a form of abandonment because once again, we are made to feel worthless. Being Lied To Or Feeling Betrayed There is a special kind of hurt that comes from being lied to. Whether it’s an [...]

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How Self-Compassion Can Help With Depression

How Self-Compassion Can Help With Depression

Rhonda Gist, Kate Motaung2025-06-26T08:40:31+00:00June 26th, 2025|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Self-compassion means having a positive attitude toward yourself that enables you to get through difficult times in life. Along with this attitude comes the ability to treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Self-compassion includes self-talk and self-care activities, which will be discussed in more detail. When you find yourself feeling more down than usual or even struggling with clinical depression (depressed mood that lasts longer than two weeks and includes other symptoms), what is your internal dialogue? Are you kind and compassionate or critical and neglectful of yourself? Self-talk or internal dialogue is often self-critical, negative, and hurtful. Your internal dialogue likely includes things that you would never say to a friend, especially one who is facing a difficult time or feeling depressed. Do you criticize yourself for being lazy, ungrateful, angry, or irritable? Or is your inner dialogue kind, compassionate, and encouraging to yourself? Even if you tend to be critical and negative, you can choose and intentionally change this narrative, which can help with depression. Please note that self-compassion is not self-pity, as it involves treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance. Self-compassion is acknowledging your imperfections as a human and recognizing that suffering is a part of the human experience, and having the self-awareness to know that there are things you can do that will help. Self-pity involves indulgence and feeling sorry for yourself without the desire to feel better. It is important to care for yourself during a difficult time with the confidence that you will feel better. It is also believing and trusting that God is with you and will help you. Romans 12:2 says, “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” It can be difficult to have positive thoughts when feeling depressed. Perhaps you are [...]

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Getting Over a Breakup: Taking Time for Yourself

Getting Over a Breakup: Taking Time for Yourself

Rhonda Gist, Kate Motaung2025-06-25T05:38:05+00:00June 25th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Getting over a breakup is challenging and often emotionally draining. The length of the relationship and the reasons for the breakup impact the time the healing process may take. However, there is a reframing that might help in this difficult moment of healing. You can look at this time as an opportunity to learn, grow, and start fresh. You can heal while tackling your physical and mental health. Now is the time to prioritize yourself while getting over a breakup. Tips for Getting Over a Breakup Getting over a breakup can be long and grievous, whether in a relationship for a few months or several decades. You were emotionally invested in another person and created dreams for the future. The reasons for the breakup can vary from mutual decision to infidelity, abuse, or sudden absence. After a breakup, you may struggle with feelings of loss, failure, shame, guilt, and uncertainty. This emotional roller coaster is temporary as you heal. However, there are several strategies you can use to help heal after a breakup. It’s okay to grieve If you have been advised by well-meaning friends and family to “just get over it,” you know how frustrating this can be. A breakup is a loss; it is the death of a relationship and a dream for the future. It is okay to take time to grieve. Processing your emotions is critical for your emotional and mental well-being. You were emotionally invested and loved this person. Whether you initiated the breakup or not, the loss is just as profound. Take the time to learn about the grieving process and allow yourself time to heal. Stop all contact Unless you share children with your ex, stop all contact. You can delay healing if you constantly converse or see your ex. If your [...]

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Signs That You Need Help for Alcohol Dependence

Signs That You Need Help for Alcohol Dependence

McCartney Paul, Kate Motaung2025-06-20T06:55:04+00:00June 20th, 2025|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

Many people have a complicated relationship with alcohol. In one person’s experience, it may be related to happy and enjoyable memories, while for another, it’s associated with dark and painful ones. Each person must navigate how they will deal with alcohol, and it helps to be informed about some of the ways it can negatively affect someone. Various substances, such as prescription and recreational drugs, affect the brain. Likewise, alcohol can produce pleasurable feelings and also blunt negative ones. It has a powerful effect on the brain, which can make it appealing. This temporary relief can motivate someone to turn to alcohol again and again, even when it poses possible significant risks to their health and overall well-being. You can become dependent on alcohol even without recognizing it. What is alcohol dependence? When you depend on something, it means that it plays a significant role in your life. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may feel as though they cannot function without consuming alcohol. Alcohol assumes an important role in their life, and often, they have to drink more and more of it in order to obtain the same effect as before. Alcohol becomes a priority, superseding other activities or obligations. When a person is dependent on alcohol, they may not only prioritize alcohol over other things like family or work, but they may continue to consume alcohol even when it becomes destructive. Even if they’ve begun experiencing the harmful consequences of drinking, such as getting a DUI, losing their job, being diagnosed with liver disease, or other mental health challenges, they will continue to drink. Alcohol dependence is marked by the impaired ability to stop or control one’s intake and use of alcohol. Alcohol dependence is one of a cluster of terms that are often used [...]

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